Hello I don’t know if anybody remembers me from here. But I’m an elite number of the United States concealed carry association. I have a really bad back and a bad hip. So training for me is almost impossible. But that’s not why I’m on here right now. The reason I’m on here is because I just came home. My neighbor came and confronted me was in a threatening manner. Walked up towards me saying that who do I think I was because I reported to the landlord that he was bringing all kinds of junk. It was turning into a junkyard which it was. And he just kept threatening me and he was getting me really upset. I mean, I stood my ground but then he accused me of cutting the chain. To where the gates were. We drive in and drive out which I did not do. But this guy was getting me so upset. And I remember looking at a bunch of the YouTube videos. That when someone comes to you like that. In a threating manner you have to de-escalate. But he just kept on and on. And I just kept telling him. You know what I don’t wanna talk to you anymore. Stay away from me. And he says said that he was gonna spread the word out on me that I was a snitch. And that the next time he was gonna do something to me and I told them. You know what? I’m here right now. Even though I wouldn’t.
Have been no condition to defend myself because of my condition with my back in my hip. But the guy did threaten me. And I think I did the right thing. By descalating, but then his friend got involved in on it and started saying things to me too. And it’s pretty hard you know, cause when I go to work you know he lives here in this building, so I don’t know exactly what to do cause I’m afraid he’s might do something to my car or breaking into my place, I just would like to get some advice. Don’t carry with me because I don’t have a permit. So it would be very hard to defend myself against him. Because of my back and my hip had I had not that problem. I wouldn’t have no problem defending myself. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.
I would file a report with the Police, they do not necessarily have to confront him, but you will have a record.
Get some pepper spray if legal. 
P.S. Record the confrontations if you can. 
My non-legal, non-lawyer, suggestions to consider:
*Create a paper trail of everything. Document/Report
*If you haven’t already, do your due diligence home defense/security stuff: Strengthen the doors, keep them locked, windows too, monitored alarm, etc.
*Cameras, doorbell camera, etc whatever to catch what you can
*Dash camera for your car
*Pepper spray (such as POM or Sabre)
*Continue to deescalate and also avoid. You listed off a lot of stuff, perhaps consider breaking contact before there is that much back and forth. You’re busy, you have somewhere to be, sorry but gotta go. Such, suggestions to consider from a random dude
De-escalation should always be your first thought in that situation, especially with your physical condition. Bruce and Nathan have already given the best answers and I am going to back them up.
Contact LE and make a report. Create a paper trail of every encounter. CAMERAS EVERYWHERE TO GET VIDEO EVIDENCE.
Should your neighbor and his friend get physical with you, you may have to take your lumps. In that situation, call the police, get a lawyer.
DO NOT contact a friend with an alibi and a backhoe. It doesn’t work like that, so just stop thinking about the friend with the alibi and a backhoe. I mean it…stop thinking about the friend with the alibi and a backhoe. Would you STOP? You are going to get us in trouble with the friend with the alibi and a backhoe. Remember the cameras everywhere to collect video evidence.
De-escalation would be my advice. All the advice is may or may not change how you act not react toward your neighbor. I think you know you neighbor better than you can explain him to us. If you want to have peace with him(de-escalate), I think you know what to do. Rather than for me to reinvent the wheel and put it in my own words I would leave you with this.
"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. It is better to be of lowly spirit with the poor than to divide the spoil with the proud " (Proverbs 16:18-19).
Without a way to defend yourself making him angrier is not a solution. If he is intent on causing you bodily harm, I think you would know the answer to that better than me.
Wise to try to de-escalate.
Ditto the report to the police advice. If you can afford it, get some kind of security camera system for your home. They are far more affordable than they used to be. SimpliSafe is the big name in this field, but Amazon makes a nice camera too.
It might help to keep contemporaneous notes documenting the incidents, so you have a record of the events. Also if you can, surreptitiously record these encounters with your phone. You really cannot have too many records.
Buy and wear a body cam when you anticipate an encounter with your neighbor (the one below is only $44 on Amazon for this particular make/model, but other makes and models are available). There are two strategies to consider: (1) wear a discrete camera if you want to gather evidence and want your neighbor to behave as he usually does; or (2) wear an obvious camera that your neighbor can see as that will discourage obnoxious behavior.
This body cam has a video screen on it, so it would be obvious that you are recording, which would “inspire” good behavior in encounters with your neighbor. $44 on Amazon.
Pretty much what I would do.
Brother Man, I feel for you, but the part of your comment that I linked. That’s not really de-escalation. I know how scary that can be having someone younger and more physically able blow up on you, I just went through a situation like that 2 months ago.
My advice, get somewhere safe. Then…
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Call the non emergency police line and file a report.
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Record any interactions, but covertly. Turn on a recorder on your phone if you have one. The reason I say covertly is some people want an audience or feel threatened by someone recording them. So they will escalate the situation.
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Find a self defense alternative that you CAN carry everywhere. Then practice with it, not until you get it right. But until you can’t get it wrong. Stuff happens.
I f@#*'#@ hate bullies, especially ones who pick on the elderly and infirm.
D@$# it @BruceE you made me spit my drink out of my nose and you got my intrusive thoughts going.
I see a lot of good advise and some tongue in cheek suggestions.
I would only add become invisible! To the greatest extent possible avoid contact till this blows over!
Thanks, I think I might just end up doing that with the body cam. I saw him today earlier. He just looked at me and I looked at him. And we just went our seprate ways. He had nothing to say this time.
Thanks to all my brothers here for the advice. I think I’m gonna take you guys up on that yeah, you’re right, it’s just my Ego. It got a little bruised you know cause I felt if I wasn’t in bad condition with my back n my hip. I could have handled him but I have to learn a new way on how to not get into fights because if I’m gonna be carrying concealed in the future. I can’t allow myself. So i’d like to learn as much education on de-escalating. Cause you got people that, they don’t care. They have no compassion for anybody. They just don’t care. They like to pick on the older and sick people who cant or dont know how to fight back
I just ordered this book because it looks like it will have some good pointers for dealing with situations like this:
This one also has good information on how to analyze situations to determine if force is needed and how much might be required for a given situation:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1594392501?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title
Hopefully your neighbor will find something else to be upset over and shift his focus elsewhere. Ego may have been important back in the caveman days for establishing dominance or whatever but it really isn’t all that useful of a tool in modern society.
I was very fortunate to have a really good example in my father. I don’t ever remember hearing him raise his voice or act aggressively to another person. Except for the one time I saw someone threaten my mother. He was out the door and leveled the guy in just a couple blows. Speak softly but carry a big stick when you can. Just be sure to only use it when you have no other choice.
Work on and be confident in the skills and abilities you have and are able to gain. Let others waste time thumping their chests. The loudest thumpers usually have the most fragile egos and escalating the situation just makes them feel that their weakness is about to be exposed for the whole world to see. It’s usually best to try and give them an out so they can save face with their audience and their ego.
You are Right Shamrock
Always remember “Ego is not your AMIGO” my Brothers! (Mark Wahlberg-Mile22)
But then again even w/ back and hip issues you can learn some KRAV MAGA (and Steel Toe boots)
The GREAT EQULIZERS!
WWG1" did that hurt? Looks like it hurt!WGA
I guess it depends who one is. I always make eye contact. It seems like most people just want a little love. If you ignore them they get mad. If they do want to harm me I need to see them to defend myself. I guess the time not to make eye contact is when there is no way to defend oneself. IDK
Avoiding eye contact can be a sign of weakness or submission.
My guess is someone on this forum posted this video. His stuff seems pretty good. He advocates for making brief eye contact that says, “I see you.”
Good video. I agree with the brief eye contact coming in handy in many situations. Have had several occasions where I was pretty sure someone was pondering making a move until they noticed me glancing their way. If our eyes connect I usually give a friendly nod. Sometimes I get a nod back, sometimes I get ignored and other times I get a glare. But I just keep my demeanor friendly and we go our separate ways without incident.
But with some individuals or some cultures eye contact can be a tricky thing. Traditional Navajo actually view direct eye contact as an aggressive behavior. They will often talk looking at their feet. It was hard for me to remember to do that since I like looking in peoples eyes when I talk to them to make sure they are understanding what I am saying.
Kept making me think 55 gallon drum, muratic acid, then gasoline, in the desert…no, witnesses…okay, dont do that, just use the backhoe instead. Okay, ignore those ideas.
Again everyone has giving you sound advice. Record, record, can never have to much info…police report…get the concealed carry…practice, practice and practice, oh, and practice some more so you are confident. The bodycam camera sounds like great advice as well. Inform other neighbors what is going on as well…protect yourself every which way you can…police report, record, cameras, pepper spray, carrying…if you think its to much, it isnt. Your safety is what matters most.
Stay safe!!! Record, police report, body cam, cameras, inform neighbors as well.