Chronic Pain and thoughts of Suicide: An Observation

News & Current Events
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There is no article to read just an Observation from the cheap seats. I’ve been Long Haul driving (basically a ‘Taxi’ for Railroad crews for a few months now). Averaging 1,500 miles over (3) days (that’s (500 miles per usually :rofl: ) But I’ve Long hauled for most of my life so this is just another chapter. But it takes a Toll now.

As I age (65 now) I’ve realized my body has been taking a beating basically since I was (18). For (47) years I’ve been shot a few times, Blown up TWICE and assaulted numerous times (then I went to work! ARGH! Jus kidding!:grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: ). I know some here KNOW what I am talking about, BEEN THERE DONE THAT ‘EY?, which is why I’ve gotten close to some of you. You don’t have to have been a Soldier, Security, sometimes Life intrudes and you get the bloody Hell beat out of you. Sometimes it’s Physical, sometime Mental, sometimes you get the entire package deal of BOTH!. BONUS! (Ding! that’s me)

Why am I saying this?

I’m saying this because I lost ANOTHER BROTHER last week. We were as tight as real Brothers, Combat Grunts—the New phrase seems appropriate—’BATTLE BUDDIES!’ We were that. I’d like to say in my defense we kept in touch (Weekly @ least). We knew each others families and if either of us drank would have sent each other Bottles of life affirming hootch @ Christmas (we didn’t drink or do chemicals). But even making this ‘Pact’ Grant decided to ‘Opt Out’ without trying to do the homework and get past the mental road block in front of him. Unfortunately Ship Happens.

Now I had recently heard this term Battle Buddies from a guy who was the real deal—A Warrior. and he was sick and tired of hearing his Brothers and Sisters KILLING themselves. So he made a ‘Pact’ telling folk’s if life intrudes and you are thinking about Suicide take a moment and call your ‘BB’… Maybe all you need is that ‘Connection’…a ‘PAUSE’ to reconsider your options. Sadly, later on he succumbed to the Dark side and took his own life instead of practicing what he preached and reached out. My take on this is REACH OUT! to ANYBODY! If you haven’t a BB reach out to Family, friends, Clergy, your USCCA Pals, DO SOMETHING to squelch the crazy Mice in your head on that squeaky wheel driving you to Dark thoughts!. Bad days go with Life, Bad thoughts, harmful thoughts are TEMPORARY, Suicide is PERMANENT. The LAST thing i want to see is Saint Pete shaking his head @ me, poking his finger in the hole in my head going ‘You dumbarse!, you had (10-20) more years before we would call you home!’. THAT WOULD SUCK. And also the fact that my entire life revolves around Livin’ Life, My Sister, Four wheeln’ my Animals and oh yeah GUNS! that it would be an insult to eat one of them, traumatizing my Sister, makin a mess somewhere, and if outside being a Vultures next meal. Um, No thanks, PASS!

I say this now because this being CHRISTMAS and then the NEW YEAR (and also failing to mention the turmoil in this Country and the World cold be considered a criminal act by some). Some have a real hard time during the Holiday’s especially. Bad memories, TRAUMA, Divorce, Death , Nightmares, PTS, Anxiety, Downsizing, Financial woe’s tend to crop up crop up more than usual while everyone around want you to ‘Eat, Drink and be Merry!’ I have battled lots of Physical pain and this year has been kinda harsh going from one injury to the next it seems. Today is a double whammy of Scar Tissue getting wrapped around my Titanium knee joints (and on my right leg—the good one) a piece has gotten inside the ‘knuckle’ making getting around rather painful, coupled with a Groin pull sleep has eluded me the last week or so. But I make sure I get that sleep I need to function and not open myself to the darkside because that’s all it takes to start going from a bad situation to a possibly Hospital or Grave event. Something weird to report here is I have still maintained an even keel and haven’t missed a days work because I mentally went into the sh!tter and couldn’t get outta bed. )Physically is another matter entirely—you can’t get up, you can’t get up—simple–hopefully the Boss understands—and if they don’t there’s always another job—may take a bit but hey I’m retired (sort of) so I’ll live if I keep on truckin’. I feel I was blessed by the guy upstairs just to wake up years ago and the gratitude hasn’t ever left. From my posts here I OBVIOUSLY have bad days, and PTS irritates the hell out of me, Trolls, and Bad Politics seem to hit a nerve the last (4) years and I let it show on this Forum. Keeping it bottled up inside isn’t healthy. Anxiety once thought dead and buried has resurfaced and going into my Indoor Range could be a Nightmare—Solution? Just don’t go—Whatever, they will still be there when I have a great day and breeze right in Blow off a couple of hundred rounds, laugh and joke with fellow Gunners and tip my hat to being on this side of the grass still.
So PLEASE from my heart, maybe you are going through stuff, my take is if you keep it to yourself how the hell can anybody help you? REACH OUT!. There’s no shame in it, The pain you are feeling will go away if you seek help. The person you reach out to may no be able to help you but it gets the ball rolling when someone see’s your pain and ells another. The Optimum would be is get your Arse to an ‘ER’ or Med Center that is ready to deal with you right off the street. My ‘Medical’ history of Dr. Dumbasses is long but I bounced enough times away from the bad ones into the hands of bloody brilliant ones. You just have to keep moving, you stay stuck and it could all fade away to black before you see that glimmer of light.

Not the happiest of conversations I get that. But the Holidays tend to AMPLIFY the emotions. Seeing the ‘Normie’s’ going about the season’s Shopping, Decorating, Partying when maybe you just don’t feel festive enough to participate is OK. There is no correct way to do this.

We don’t put up a Tree the last bunch of years because we have (3) new Rescue Cats—(a good excuse anyway :joy: ). Before that we had (2) Dogs and (8-11) Cats. depending on the timing. We have EVERYTHING we need so there’s no pile of Presents on top of the highest shelves so our guys can’t get to them and rip em to shreds! We are truly those ‘Crazy Cat People that live next door and we love it.

Life isn’t perfect. Somedays its a challenge. But if you think dark stuff reach out. Don’t be a statistic.

Merry Christmas (for those who follow that).

STAY FROSTY.

WWG1WGA

NCSWIC

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Merry Christmas to you too and well let’s just say all that other stuff. Sorry to hear about your BB.

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Buddy who visited last summer said something six years ago that was like he left a stone in my shoe and it’s been nagging me since. I didn’t think to react

He’s talking of śũicide when he’s old, sick, and broke. Thousands of miles separate us so it’s tough communicating with him. Finally face to face with him this summer, I put the “stone in his shoe,” that when he thinks of going through with it, he can always reach out to me.

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I think all of us have had those intrusive thoughts at one time or another, maybe even more than once or ten times in our lives, and we have probably all had someone we knew who gave up.

It happens. It shouldn’t, but it does, and it doesn’t have to be us old guys either. All my children, while they were still in high school, had teenaged friends who gave up. Very sad times for someone that young feel they have no reason to live.

I have thought about it, but I always found a reason or ten to keep going, always found someone to pull me back from the brink. My Sister told me once that if I did go through with it, she would bring me back from the dead just so she could strangle the life out of me again. Thanks, Sis. Love you too. She also tried to take her own life. She put a whole family of .44’s in her chest and lived. After that she figured she still had stuff to do and God didn’t need her to go home yet. She’s still here being a pain in my butt.

I have your number, Brother Don, and you have mine. I haven’t heard your sweet, melodious voice in a minute, so we are about due for some air time.

So are we. We have 6 - 4 rescues/strays and 2 naturals from one of the strays. The roaming dog packs don’t come in our yard.

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Came across this a while back. Some of you might find it strikes a nerve. I posted this in the song thread. My senior year of high school I came home from school and knew something was off. My dad never cried, but he was crying that day. Unbeknownst to us, he had talked his kid brother off the ledge numerous times over the years. Well, that day he finally succeeded.

Dave Grossman says that the number one predictor of suicide is sleep deprivation. Listen to his bulletproof mind lecture of you have not done so.

I’m here for ya’ll on this forum.

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VERY well said, Don!

And, Merry Christmas! :latin_cross: :christmas_tree:

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Merry Christmas Don , well written and good observation. Life is a gift when it gets to a point were a person thinks it is time to end it they need to reach out and talk . God gave us the gift of life and only God has the right to take that gift back. We should always be willing to listen and help another life get through a ruff patch.

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Very well put my brother. You’ve certainly helped me with this battle I’m fighting and for that I will be forever grateful!!!

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This topic is one that I relate to. One of my best friends…. We flew together, then one day, and he and I always kidded around, he said he wanted to take a plane out over the ocean, go well past the point of no return, and…. Then a few weeks later he said, out of the clear blue, “suicide is the sincerest form of self criticism.” Being the scholar I thought he wanted to be, I didn’t give it much thought. Then I got the call, he fired up his Jeep in the garage, smoked a joint and downed some whiskey, they found him the next day. His chronic pain was he saw himself as a failure. This was the message he left in a letter in the Jeep. I cannot say that I could have done anything, but I did not recognize that he was crying for help. He had a beautiful wife, had all the toys, but his attitude didn’t reflect the happiness it should have showed. I always assumed he was just kidding around. That’s what we did. But looking back, as I have done numerous times (this was 30 yrs. Ago) I realized there was a cry for help that I didn’t recognize. I’m not going to let guilt enter the equation, but I will say that when someone speaks like this, we need to pay more attention to the underlying issues that prompted such dialogue.

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I get you Brother. I am glad you don’t add insult to injury by GUILTING yourself for ‘Missing the signs’ of your friend. Ship Happens. Even talking FACE to FACE you can miss all signs of inner pain. It’s so damn insidious, the cry for help is loud (in their head) but outward signs can be masked by humor, sarcasm and in my opinion a general desire NOT TO BE STOPPED!.

‘They’ say (22) Warriors take their lives EVERY DAY. I now know (5) (and those were the ones I stood shoulder to shoulder with in Battle. There was a high rate of Suicides amongst the Grunts that fought in Prolonged/Sustained Combat (Afgasastain, Vietnam, Iraq, WW2, Korea etc) Now add the Dudes and Duddettes who never heard a shot fired in anger, Just regular Joe’s N Janes who are trying to deal with the onslaught of daily Life’s Pressures and the numbers are staggering.
I don’t watch the ‘TV’ News anymore, I barely scan the MSM on the Net (I do run through the posts just to see what the Darklord (Cabal) is trying to duck with us on a daily basis). But that’s in my nature ‘Gathering Intel’ was a hard earned Lesson pounded into me by a Warrior who saved a lot of lives. He did mention to me recently that it was one of the burdens of Command when his phone rings and he hears another ‘of his Boys’ took himself out. HE GETS IT! (it doesn’t make it any easier to hear but what happens to us is (in life) is battering to he Soul).

You mentioned a bunch of great points but I just wish to say you can have the ‘Toy’s’, you can have the Wife (or Husband) dreams are made of, The Dream Job of everybody wants the gift from hard work where ‘Retirement’ is Nirvana on Earth and those crippling thoughts could dash all that away in seconds ‘POOF’!!! What do we hear most?

‘I never saw this coming’ or ‘He/She never gave any indication…’ or

‘He/She had EVERYTHING to live for’…. Of course they did! Life is Precious! A GIFT!

But life down here is tough,(sustained combat in civilian life or the Warrior life).

But you want to know the crazy thing about this (and why I wrote about this?)

INNER PEACE is on one shoulder and INNER PAIN the other (sort of an Angel/Devil kind of WAR).

I didn’t see these guy’s PAIN. They don’t want to BURDEN us with their PAIN, Appear WEAK!,

Hey, I’ve got a Bronze Star w/ ‘V’ for Valor and two ‘purple hearts’ I can’t be perceived as a wussy.

How can so many folk’s ‘Opt Out’ EVEN AFTER TAKING THE OATH to call somebody BEFORE they meticulously plan the End Game Event like your friend and still do it anyway?

My other opinion is it’s the Devil’s Whisper—-Once it gets in their head they are determined to go for it. (hope I didn’t open up a stinky pile with that statement).

I wrote this yesterday because I’m ANGRY that another Soul took their own lives. I can’t/Won’t! blame myself (OR THEM!), it’s not My/ Your/Our fault. I’m sick and tired of my phone ringing and getting the word again.

This is why I volunteered @ the VA, the Battered Women/Children’s Shelter. I needed to DO SOMETHING!

All anyone wants is for somebody (anybody) to GAS about them!).

EDIT: GAS—That’s Give a Sh!t–I don’t any misinterpretations here.

My Sister and I make up Care Packages every Christmas. (Socks (Warm thick–because it’s a cold, sterile environment in the VA’s ), Chocolate, a Scarf or Woolie cap. It’s not much, but some folk’s just need the love.

That’s the second reason for writing this.

Has anybody every experienced a ‘Biker Toy Run’? We have them here in Cactus Junction every year (minimum donation is an unwrapped Toy or $20). Bikers bring wads of Cash!, multiple Toys strapped to their Bikes! It’s Beautiful. EVERYBODY WINS, God Smiles, And it isn’t just a feel good one day out here. Folk’s Crochet Toys , hold Car Washes, Bake Sales, Lo ryder/Custom Car shows all year round!

There’s so much PAIN, So much NEED that it can’t just be ONE DAY. We are getting squeezed HARD by Dark Forces, they want the ‘Middle Class, The Gunners, the free thinkers GONE so their job of a hostile take over is easier. I’m sorry but the TRUTH hurts. If we can shine a light on the DARK everybody wins.

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When my wife and I feel kicked and beat up by this life or other people, we find that the best medicine is to do something for someone else. That ties right in to what I read this morning, “A man who is kind benefits himself.” Proverbs 11:17. By giving to others we benefit as well. It’s not selfish. It’s how life was made to work.

Keep up the fight. Keep on this soapbox. Keep preaching it brother @Don102!

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Thanks for starting this thread Brother. You’ve said so much, so eloquently, that I can’t add much other than to say that we can never know what someone else is going through. We may be having one of the worst times of our lives, and it’s easy to assume that 1. Other people will somehow know this, and, 2. That other people have it better. Neither is true. Other people can’t know our pain unless we share it. If I’m having a hard time or feeling sorry for myself, I have to remember that the person in line behind me at Publix might have just lost her son and be going through hell. Life is hard, messy, painful business. We need to be here for each other.

Thanks again Don, and God bless. Be safe with all your driving, and I’m so very sorry you lost another brother. :cry:

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Well, we all need someone we can lean on and if you want to, you can lean on me

Let It Bleed, Rolling Stones

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You have a big heart. I respect you a lot.

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Back At You Blood Brother! Merry Christmas to you and da Wifey! :santa_claus:

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I don’t have the pain, possibly because my extreme anger overshadows any pain I may feel!
I do have a large family all within driving distance.
God, guns and grandchildren! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

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I drove a little bit to Lee Canyon Coal Mines (Grants, NM) last night, waited for R/R Crews to start a cold Train… waiting…. Got a toot of their horn checked the dash and it said 27 degrees! Sheesh! My Scar tissue wrapped around my broomsticks like…. Taffy ona flagpole! Fortunately yesterday was my Friday!

Flat on my back after just washing my Car , got Gas, cleaned the windows—-Done for the day.

I use to….oh nevermind!

Maybe I should look into that ‘Extreme Anger’ bit do they sell dat on Amazon? Nah, just not me these days.

I want Justice for the Innocents slaughtered: Military Tribunals, Convictions, Sentencing, death by Hangin’ but other than that I’m good with seeing these Evil folk’s sweat!

Obama, Bill n Hillary testify this month…. the gift that keeps on giving! and the ropes reusable.

I wonder what ‘The other Donald’ thought of me Volunteering for a Part-Time Executioner’ position with his UCMJ Trials?

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Thanks,I love/like you a lot too.

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Guillotines are not racist and the blades are just as reusable.
The blunted blades can be used for the ones responsible for the deaths of Iryna, Laken, Charlie and the like!

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Yeah Bud, But I ain’t cleaning those wicker baskets Brother! My willingness for the fight only goes so far! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! (I needed some humor this cold windy night) Apologies.

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