Epic Dad Jokes

Father’s Day is quickly approaching and we all know how much dads like having a plethora of Dad Jokes stored up. Share your favorite dad jokes here and help them prepare for an epic Father’s Day!

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I’ll start off with one that I shared with @MarkBrent’s recently. Mark has been stopping me daily in the halls at the USCCA Headquarters for a few weeks now with a different dad joke each day.

If a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a Milk Dud or an Utter Failure?

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Child: Dad how long will you live?
Dad: Well, I am going to live forever.
Child: Why is that?
Dad: Well, Heaven doesn’t want me and Hell is afraid Ill take over.
Child: I guess I will live forever too.
Dad: Why is that?
Child: They would be to afraid you would come visit!

(Actual conversation I had with my daughter from my first marriage.)

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I couldnt make it in to work today, Doctor says I have Glockoma and suggested range therapy

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Can’t come in to work today, I have anal glaucoma.
Sounds serious.
Nah, I just can’t see my ass coming in to work today.
(Sorry @TJ11 had to steal your joke.)

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Son: Dad, I want to be a liberal when I become a man.
Dad: You’ll have to pick one or the other son.

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A serious one
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Now, back to our regularly scheduled shenanigans
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It’s an Udder Dud.

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Here are some of my favorites…

How do you know a dad joke is a dad joke? It’s a parent.

How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.

Why did the fireman wear red, white and blue suspenders? To hold his pants up, of course?

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Several of the church’s youth were giving an applicant for a new position a tour of the youth building including the freshly remodeled bathrooms. The applicant remarked they seemed very happy about the recent construction. The minister walking with them remarked, “They are flush with excitement.”

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Bun1

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Another one, courtesy of @MarkBrent

I am really bummed. My cousin was arrested. He is going to jail. He has a speech impediment…
He won’t finish his sentence.

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Joe gave me that one. The one thing about Dad jokes are they don’t belong to anyone. Free to use.

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What happens when you cross and elephant with a rhinoceros?
Elephino.

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@Dawn we really need that “lol” response button… these are cracking me up!

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Why was the math book sad? Because he had lots of problems!

Can I get the Lamest Dad Joke award for that one??

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Maybe @Anthony2… but we might have more contenders!

Did you hear they came out with a new wellness product for men? It combines alphabet soup with a laxative… it’s called Let’er Rip.

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