Chuck Norris

#1

In honor of the new Glock Spokesperson:
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I thought we could have a little fun… What are your favorite Chuck Norris jokes?

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#2

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

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#3

As if Glock had to be more deadly. Lol

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#4

I heard there was once a street named after Chuck Norris. It had to be changed though, because NOBODY crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

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#5

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
Chuck Norris has a bear skin rug. It’s not dead, it’s just afraid to leave.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris got stopped for speeding. He let the officer off with a warning.
Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon, from a landline.
Chuck Norris tears can cure cancer. Sadly, he never cries.
Chuck Norris drove his mother home from the hospital the day HE was born.
Chuck Norris once peed in the fuel tank of a truck. We call that truck Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with a single hand grenade, then it exploded.

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#6

Lol… those are great! Heard some, others I am steeling.

#7

I hadn’t heard the bear skin one before! That’s awesome!

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#8

When Chuck Norris carries a Glock, it isn’t loaded. He just points it at the bad guys and yells BANG!

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#9

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Superman once had a bet, loser had to wear their underwear outside of their pants for life.

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#10

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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#11

When you hook Chuck Norris up to a lie detector, the machine confesses.
Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

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#12

:rofl: :rofl: these are amazing!

#13

Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
Chuck Norris can randomly hit a keyboard and autocorrect spells what he wants.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun

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#14

When it rains, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet, water gets Chuck Norrised.
Chuck Norris actually died 20 years ago, but Death is still trying to work up the nerve to tell him.

#15

Chuck Norris BUILT the hospital he was born in.

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#16

Chuck Norris kicked the bucket. Poor bucket.

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#17

Ok, have to share my Chuck Norris connections… one of my first senseis was got his first black belt training with Cuck Norris. And on of my hubby’s sons was the assistant director for a couple years on Walker, Texas Ranger and several Chuck Noris movies :slight_smile:

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#18

We are all gathered here to mourn the passing of Zee, who dared call Chuck Norris a cuck. Though we shed no tears for fear of angering the one and only Chuck Norris, we will miss such a valued forum member…

I really couldn’t resist when i saw the typo…

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#19

:rofl::rofl::joy: OMGosh too funny!!! Have I mentioned I hate my phone sometimes :smiley: I should go fix that before he finds out. :smiley: I’d miss you all if I were dead :wink:

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#20

When Chuck Norris jumps, the Earth moves up to meet him.

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