We talk about Situational Awarness and avoiding sketchy situations, know what’s going on around us etc. We talk about retreating, keep the threat in view.
But how do YOU act when someone does it to you?
Case in point.
I got on the elevator with 3 other people, a young couple and a 30 something lady. The elevator stops at the next floor and the couple gets off. I could see the single gal checking me out. Then just as the door starts to close she pushed ‘Door Open’ and gets off the elevator. I continue to the lobby where I check my mail, while there I see the next elevator door open and the single gal gets off. Clearly she did the right thing, we teach DO NOT get/stay on an elevator with a stranger, If your INTUITION alerts you listen to it. So no problem there. It did however kinda hurt my feelings. I am all about self defense be it martial arts, nonlethal weapons, firearms. I teach several self-defense classes a month to people that aren’t interested in carrying firearms. I consider myself to be the guy you want to get on the elevator with, so when she made an obvious escape I was a bit hurt.
How do you act/react when someone obviously acts like you are a threat and makes an obvious move to avoid you?
Smile. Take a step the other direction/stay still longer so they get more distance. Decide to take a different path to where I was going that is in a slightly opposite direction of them. Whatever, depending, fits to (whether it’s obvious I’m doing it or seems coincidental) get off their radar
Follow them, and shout, hey you forgot this, you forgot this! If they run, you run faster, you don’t know what they’re running from, so you just keep running. Once you finally catch up with them, pull out your phone with your number displayed, and be like, “you forgot my phone number. So lunch on Tuesday? Or dinner now?” If she doesn’t answer and gets in a car, you get in the car with her, it’s go time now, you guys going to dinner!
Applaud her and people who respond the same way that she did. Be proud and feel validated by the training and counsel that you instill and give to others. Obviously, she received such counsel or training from people like yourself. Turn that negative emotion into one that will bring you joy! Know that it truly has nothing to do with how YOU feel. It’s all good.
I, too, might have to look at myself, do a sniff test to make sure I’m not malodorous, etc. But eventually get my feelings in check. But as you did, considering all that occurred, I hope that I would feel good that, that person did what brought them comfort, and that it didn’t really have anything to do with me. Even mistaken identity can sometimes hamstring you. Otherwise, rejoice and be exceedingly glad.
I’m not very threatening looking so I don’t know if I’ve ever gotten a reaction stronger than a glance and quick look away. Though I also mostly make an effort to go unnoticed and give people their space. If someone does notice me they usually get a quick smile, nod and occasionally a howdy. I have mostly lived in small towns where acknowledging others existence is accepted. I’m sure on the rare occasions I do this in a big city people just think I’m a little off:)
I would be fine with what happened here. The Mike Pence rule of not being alone with a woman other than your wife makes a lot of good sense from a safety, and even false accusation standpoint. When I saw her hesitation and concern I honestly may have looked at the lady and said something to the effect of “if you are more comfortable, I’ll happily take the stairs.”
I work at a school. I am very careful not to be alone with a female-especially a minor. This applies to spouses and daughters of very good friends. Years ago I got called to the home of a wife of one of my closest friends. She had an emergency at her home with a utility. Her husband couldn’t be reached. I left immediately to meet her need but took one of my children with me.
This woman may have had not only situational awareness, but some sort of inner moral desire to not be alone with a man with whom she is not married.
Also, you never know what she has been through before as far as abuse or victimization.
I would honestly have been proud of her. This situation likely indicates something about her that is good in terms of avoidance.
I think that certainly is the safest bet. But I also think it is possible for men and women to hang out together as long as they treat each other with respect.
Most of my work over the past 2 decades has been in remote areas either working alone or in pairs, often with a woman who was younger than I was, often camping out for many nights at a time. I sure wouldn’t feel perfectly comfortable if I had a daughter or sister working in those situations. But maybe because of that thought I always made sure that I never gave any indication that I might be interested in a non professional relationship so that the women I worked with could be completely comfortable. Though the majority of the women I worked with were more than capable of taking care of themselves with all but the worst of predators.
It was always easiest for me when I was already in a relationship. I would make sure to mention my significant other on the first day and regularly afterwords so they knew I was off the market and not looking. On the rare occasion that I was available and interested and was pretty sure they were as well I always waited for them to make the first move so there was no chance of me making them uncomfortable in that vulnerable situation.
A few months ago when I was walking in downtown during lunch, I had someone (a younger male that was talking on his cell phone) notice me and immediately cross the street. I personally thought it was quite amusing as I am clearly not a threat. Oh, I forgot to mention, I had my posse with me… j/k
Be aware of people that don’t see you as a threat. If People are walking behind me I will move out of the way and let them pass. It’s interesting to see people that have a complete Disregard for situational awareness to keep it short.
PS: the one time you drop your Guard could be the last time.
Stay sharp my friend.
She either saw you as a threat risk or you’re imagining things.
See Gavin DeBecker’s book, Gift of Fear for more details.
Doesn’t matter to me. If they don’t want to be around me I don’t care.
Good on them if they are using situational awareness to make that decision.
Would not hurt my feelings at all.
I’d like to think that all the men on this forum are as chivalrous as you and as you described.
I appreciate your perspective. Thanks for sharing your experience.
You clearly weren’t the gray man as far as she was concerned…closet predator…not necessarily bad in the right circumstances…you could scare off an attacker with your aura/demeanor…recommend you check out Injury Dynamics on Instagram and take a look at their website. Were long time associates of Tim Larkin at Target Focus Training/Prot3ct, system stems from Peterson’s SCARS system. Broaden your horizons and stay safe. I’m old and decrepit, so I haven’t had any adverse reactions lately. Must be the pheromones.
It’s possible this had been shared before so apologies in advance
The field I am in has a significant number of women. As often as not more than half the crew. The vast majority of the men I work with treat them with respect.
We do however often work with construction workers. That is definitely still a man’s world. Though the majority of them also treat our female coworkers with respect, there are unfortunately more than a few who do not. Mostly behind their backs but occasionally openly in ways that can make them feel uncomfortable. Fortunately my female coworkers are very good at dealing with their machismo, usually without damaging their fragile egos too much. And we all keep an eye on the potentially more dangerous creeps to make sure they don’t have any opportunities to do serious harm.
Working an underground mine job, the crew would brass in and put their phone number on the list with their brass number. One day a rather attractive gal walks into the trailer, shows me the call received log on her phone and said, and I am quoting “last night there were 16 guys that wanted to duck me…”. Be that I was the construction manager it was my responsibility to handle it. I printed up a sheet with the last 3 numbers of all of the calling phone numbers, posted it on the board and said in the all hands "if you think one of those could be your phone number you are in violation of Federal Law and could very well be arrested and Federally charged. I didn’t hear another thing about it.
You have the wisdom of Solomon! Well done!
In other words, you are a real man and most of the men you work with are as well.
Real men protect women. I keep trying to teach this to my kids. To my son so he will be a real man and my daughter so she will marry a real man.
Tuesday morning I filled in for security during the women’s get together at church ,the regular person had another appointment that morning.
got every body was in [including children] and was quiet so I locked up.
about an hour later a young female came to the door and asked to see a pastor. she was crying and not dressed for the current weather.
so I let her in and walked her to the pastors office, ,he met with her
a little while later they were both at the front door.
she was getting a ride to iron mountain Mi. from one of the elders
pastor shared with me that she was a captive in a house near by
kept locked in a closet during the day by her boyfriend
only wearing sweats and house slippers she got out and came to our church door.
so the rest of the time I was real edgy waiting for that a–clown to show up
finished up the shift with out any other issues
the nice thing was the women thanked me for keeping them safe that morning