#7 Shot an innocent man who was doing nothing but fighting ICE while armed with this handgun:
Grab the Popcorn boys! Minnesota is about to EXPLODE!
My Prediction: MN is an EXAMPLE to ALL the other Blu-Cities of WHAT NOT TO DO!
When Minnesota falls, Insurrection Act enforced, Military, Curfews, Marshall Law, Major House cleaning (.gov Traitors rounded up for ALL to see!)
Wait till it is exposed what California, New Yuck, Chitcago didâŠ
There wonât be a Demoncrat elected for a Thousand years!
NEVER FORGET!
Promises Kept: Here Are The 9 Biggest Accomplishments Of The Republican Congress(Me: YOU FOUND (9)! Thatâs Creative!)
Now over a year into the new congressional term and moving toward the midterms, the Republican-controlled U.S. Congress has been racking up one major victory after another. Donât believe it? Just look at the facts.
The Babylon Bee has the receipts with the following list of things the GOP has accomplished while in power:
- Got Little Debbie Zebra Cakes added to the Capitol cafeteria: The far-reaching magnitude of this cannot be overstated.
- Thought long and hard about doing something: Theyâre not sure what it was, but they definitely considered it.
- Added a cool light show to the Washington Monument: And it reportedly only cost American taxpayers $7 trillion.
- Issued a record number of sternly worded letters: Shape up, or theyâll send one to you, too.
- Convinced Mike Johnson to try parting his hair on the other side: This required months of tough negotiation.
- Released six heavily redacted pages of the Epstein files: Theyâre serious about accountability.
- Exempted the National Mall landscapers from all ICE operations: They canât afford to lose JosĂ© and his crew.
- Passed legislation to fund the federal government for the next 8 minutes: Isnât that amazing? Oh, wait, timeâs up, and the government is about to shut down again.
- Lost the midterms earlier than any other Republican Congress in history: And thatâs saying something.
No one can say the GOP hasnât been getting things done. What else have Republicans accomplished while controlling both chambers of Congress for the last year? Add your thoughts in the comments.
(Me: 'What is the Definition of âAccomplished?â) 
I dislike banging this drum all the time but these are prolly more Factual that The Washington Post or the N.Y. SlimesâŠJust saying.
Liberal Women Frantically Refreshing Instagram To See What They Should Be Mad About Next (ME: OK, that tears it! More factual than the Daily CallerâCall Tucker and have him sign The Bee up!)
(I know that lookâŠgulp)
U.S. â Liberal women across the U.S. spent the day feverishly refreshing their Instagram feed to see what they are supposed to be angry about next.
With the rage over the latest issue seemingly having passed its zenith, liberal women were left scrolling for somewhere else to target their unbridled fury.
âCome on, come on, what do we hate now?â said local woman Denise Simmons as she refreshed her feed once more. âThrow me a bone here, people. I donât know whether to scream about voter identification, blowing up drug boats, global warming, white people â Iâm totally lost. Someone give us just a little direction, please.â
Liberals across the country expressed despondency over the slight dip in foaming hostility over the past two days. âI hate this part, when the wrath is dying down, but we donât have our next thing yet,â said longtime liberal Natalie Gray. âI love when the bitterness is growing, I love when the contempt reaches fever pitch, but this time in-between hating things is so tough. I might go scream at some kids at the park, just to feel something.â
At publishing time, desperate liberal women had logged back into their old Facebook accounts to see if anyone had something to be angry about over there.
(Me (again): I betcha the See-Eye-A monitor the Bee⊠)
"YES WE DO!â Thank you for your attention to this matter!â Muahahahahahahahahahahaha! 
Foul-Smelling Substance Used In Spray Attack On Ilhan Omar Identified As Somali Food
MINNEAPOLIS, MN â The malodorous substance sprayed on Representative Ilhan Omar at a town hall meeting has been identified as Somali food.
A man seated on the front row of the town hall suddenly rose and began shouting at Omar midway through the event before spraying her with Somali cuisine that had been fed through a blender.
âOof. It smells like rice and bananas,â said security guard Jim Palmer as he secured Omar. âThis is the most awful stench I have ever encountered. We need to get that substance down to the laboratory immediately. Itâs either poo mixed with rancid eggs and sardines or Somali food.â
Despite aides calling for Omar to cancel the remainder of the town hall, she bravely decided to press on. âI refuse to cower in the face of Somali food,â declared Omar, returning to the podium. âThese hurlers of Somali fare cannot be allowed to win. I have overcome the unwholesome effluvia of these foods many times, and I shall do so once more.â
At publishing time, several town hall attendees had been hospitalized with severe nostril damage.
(Me: It took YEARS before regaining my sense of smell after leaving that shvthole! and when I came HOME my Cats wouldnât talk to me for a Month! Hmmmmmmmm? 
)
Roomful Of Pedophiles Protests ICE Deporting Pedophiles
LOS ANGELES, CA â A room full of pedophiles in attendance at Sunday nightâs Grammys ceremony defiantly protested Trumpâs deportation of pedophiles.
âWe canât deport these people. Theyâre just like us!â said one prominent celebrity pedophile. âOne of us! One of us!â
According to experts, pedophiles often oppose the arrest and deportation of pedophiles. Since ICE has chosen to focus on detaining murderers and sex criminals, Hollywood celebs have banded together to stop ICE at any cost.
In response to the support of a roomful of pedophiles, a spokesperson for illegal aliens in Minneapolis called on Hollywood celebrities to please stop vouching for them. âSome of us are not pedophiles,â said Juanita Gutierrez. âAnd the more you claim to speak for us, the more you make us all look like pedophiles.â
At publishing time, the Grammys reported their lowest ratings ever.
ME: The amazing thing about these âpeopleâ is they think the are still relevant. Here comes THE STORM folkâs. hold onto your Cheerioâs!
Tim Walz Emerges From Den To Declare 6 More Weeks Of Rioting And Fraud
ST. PAUL, MN â Governor Tim Walz has emerged from the den of the Governorâs Mansion to declare that there will be six more weeks of rioting and fraud.
âWe know this is all silly, but itâs fun,â said handler Marsha Billingsworth. âItâs always rioting and fraud season, but the Governor-coming-out-of-the-den tradition is good family fun that brings in some tourism money, which will help offset the costs of all the rioting and fraud in the state.â
Once a year, Minnesotans cheerfully gather around the mansion to see what the governor will do, depending upon whether or not he sees his shadow. If he emerges from the governorâs mansion and sees his shadow, experts say he will begin ranting about Donald Trump, immigration enforcement, and white supremacy, in a clear sign that there will be six more weeks of rioting and fraud. Thatâs exactly what happened this year.
âThis year, right on cue, the little red-faced guy came out, saw his shadow, and began blaming Trump and ICE for everything. So, it looks like itâs going to be a long season of rioting.â
At publishing time, Governor Tim Walz was last seen rooting in his den for more vegetation, fruits, and crops, to recover after the long hibernation of hiding from Somali fraud abuse allegations.
Me: Pudding just slinked away into the sand why canât this guy?
Support For ICE Skyrockets To 99% After Halftime Show
SANTA CLARA, CA - Following this yearâs Super Bowl halftime show featuring the musical stylings of Bad Bunny, surveys show support for Immigration and Customs Enforcement skyrocketed 99 percent overnight.
Numbers show the support came immediately following Bad Bunnyâs performance, which featured strong references to Latino and Puerto Rican culture.
âI donât know what that was, but I donât like it,â one survey respondent said. âI love America, but that performance had zero apple pie, no cheerleaders, and a shocking lack of bald eagles. Disgusting.â
Many who answered the survey say they were put off by the performanceâs lewd lyrics and gyrating pop stars. One person who answered the survey said, âI looked up the Spanish translation on the songs that guy was singingâŠumâŠcan we just deport them all right now?â
Support for ICE operations has sunk over the past few months, as Democrats ratchet up their rhetoric and push for open borders and unfettered immigration. Following the halftime performance, ICE operations appear to now have almost complete support of the entire country.
âIâve had it. Deport them all,â one Democrat told a reporter.
At publishing time, America was still trying to figure out what was going on before and after the halftime show, and admitted they thought there was supposed to be a football game.
Me: What Game? All I heard about was the $180 Burgers, the $27.00 Beers and the cost of Parking my Lear @ the Airport. I watched the AF Flyover then turned it off. I shoulda just stayed home in Kansas with Dorothy (and Toto too!) !
âDo you want a little âTwerkyâ with yer Burger?â⊠(Me: WTF?)
Do you know they âTranslatedâ what Goof Bunny sung about?âItâs disgusting.
I saw a translation of one of his songs, absolutely disgusting 
NFL has been dead to since 2015, I havenât watched a game since, and I donât miss it one bit 
My grandfather is probably rolling in his grave right now. He was the go-to bookie in Cleveland for almost all of my life 50+ years. I didnât find out about his connection to a Family, until after his death.
There IS a reckoning coming (I have given up on others âtimelinesâ) But it seems to me itâs finally here and all these characters will be on the âFIND OUTâ end of the FA stick. It should be interesting seeing where the KARMA CHIPS fall⊠Once the Corruption (in the NFL and most Sports is brought to the lightâGame fixing, back room deals, shoddy Umpiring etc) then on the Political side (we already know about most of that) should be a different World once the smoke clears⊠Mi dos pesos
Media Baffled As To Anything Mass Shooters Might Possibly Have In Common
U.S. â With the horrific news breaking of yet another mass shooting at a school, the media has remained completely stumped as to anything recent mass shooters could have in common.
Journalists desperately pored over the profiles of mass shooters over the last four years, hoping to find any sort of similarity or connection.
âWhat could it be??â sighed CNN journalist Mark Beuhler. âThink, Mark, think. There has to be something these people have in common, some thread that ties them together. I keep looking at these photos, these social media profiles. I just canât see it.â
Journalists warned the public that despite their best efforts, no pattern whatsoever could be discerned that might help explain these shootings. âThere is no rhyme or reason that we can elucidate,â said investigator Roger Malone. âIf only there was some sort of life experience, prescription medication, online community, social indoctrination, political affiliation, anything that these people shared, perhaps we could help stop more of these from happening. Itâs too bad.â
At publishing time, journalists had proudly announced the discovery that all of the recent mass shooters were white.
Being WHITE is the New Crime huh?
Trump Adds Take-A-Number Ticket Dispenser At Mar-A-Lago For Would-Be Assassins
PALM BEACH, FL â In an effort to create a more efficient process for everyone making an attempt on his life, President Donald Trump ordered his staff to install a âTake-A-Numberâ ticket dispenser at the front gate of Mar-a-Lago for all would-be assassins.
After facing multiple assassination attempts in the last two years, Trump told his closest advisors that setting up a more organized system for would-be assassins to arrive, get in line, and try to kill him in a calm and orderly fashion would work better in the long run.
âI donât like chaos. Iâd much rather there be an efficient process for trying to kill me,â Trump told reporters. âThese other creeps that tried to take me out, they didnât have their ducks in a row. And we canât keep up with all the crazy people who want to kill me, so itâs better if they can just take a number, get in line, and wait their turn. Everyone can get their chance; they just have to be patient.â
Secret Service agents were reportedly unsure about the idea, but later agreed that it would help them deal with the continual flow of assassination attempts. âItâs not ideal. Ideal would be no assassins,â said Secret Service spokesman Sean Kellar. âBut, all things considered, since we know people will keep trying to harm the president, itâs best for us to have them waiting in line to take their shots. So please, if you want to come to Mar-a-Lago to try to kill Trump, take your place in line and wait for your number to be called. Thank you.â