Cal Brother It’s Sad just how the Dimwits are trying to Destroy America and all who Loves this COUNTRY They SHUT. DOWN. OUR COUNTRY !!! And they ONLY HURT AMERICAN CITIZENS WHO THEY TOOK . AN OATH TO SERVE 
WE.NEED . THE GRATE SPIRIT GOD. Back we just Seen True EVIL. They just Decided to pay our TROOPS and who is truly Protecting Our Democracy I pray for our COUNTRY THE DIMACRATS HAVE BROKEN MY HEART . And they Don’t care about US AMERICANS JUST ILLEGAL CRIMINALS WHO SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN IN OUR COUNTRY . Bless you ALL LOVE Bobby jean and Debbie ann twofeathers 
Politicians only do whatever will get them re-elected, they couldn’t care less about who put them there. R or D, doesn’t matter which party.
Schumer is shutting down the government either out of spite or he has ‘investments’.
All the ‘deals’ Trump has made in this term, I would like to see exactly, word for word, what is in writing and I believe we deserve to read it, nothing redacted or reported through the MSM.
Just my 1.95(2 cents adjusted for inflation)
Cal my Brother yes Sir FAKE NEWS IS DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY WITH THE SELL OUT POLITICAL DIMWITS AND RINO BASTARDS.JUST SELLING OUT OUR COUNTRY SIR FOR POWER 
Heartwarming: Group Of Senile Senior Citizens Finally Finds Employment
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bit of uplifting news today, a group of senile senior citizens in the D.C. area will finally be able to say that they have jobs.
The federal government is set to hire just over five hundred elderly, mentally incapacitated individuals.
“It’s really touching,” said local woman Jennifer Maxwell. “It’s so important for old people, especially those who have lost their mental functions, to still feel like they can contribute. They just want to feel like they’re a part of something. Getting to see all these geriatrics be able to call themselves employed, to dress up in a suit — it’s special.”
The senior citizens will reportedly be driven to work a few days every month, where several aides will be present to care for them. “There will be several helpers to guide the old folks around and tell them what to do,” explained government aide Nancy McAllister. “They’ll get to talk to people and sign their name on things. We try to make them feel important.”
At publishing time, the senior citizens had reportedly taken a vote and decided to stop working again in January.
ME: You know? I am seriously considering the FACT that Donald John Trump could be authoring these pieces! 
Latest Tucker Guest Bigfoot Reveals How Mind-Controlling Chemtrails Are Sprayed Over The Flat Earth By The Jews
WOODSTOCK, ME — Political commentator Tucker Carlson sparked controversy this week when he welcomed Bigfoot onto his show to discuss how mind-controlling chemtrails are sprayed over the flat earth by the Jews.
Viewers were shocked to learn that not only was Bigfoot real, but that the popular cryptid had been following conspiracy news for decades. Carlson nodded along with his guest, genuinely interested in what it had to say about Ben Shapiro.
Bigfoot, who spoke with a series of unintelligible growls and whistles, was adamant that the Jews were behind the chemtrails and that it was all part of an elaborate scheme to make people falsely believe that the earth is round. Bigfoot, a self-proclaimed expert on chemtrails, also added that the moon landing was faked (because the moon is, in actuality, made of cheese) and that jet fuel can’t melt steel beams.
“So you’re saying Israel — who I have no real problem with by the way, like at all — is directly responsible for everything that is wrong with society today, and that it can all be linked to chemtrails?” Carlson said, seemingly pushing back on his guest before immediately reversing course and agreeing with everything that was said. “That’s a bold claim, and I have no reason to dispute it, of course, because it’s obviously true.”
The new episode of Carlson’s show garnered tens of thousands of views within hours of going live. Several viewers commented on how strange it was to have the first-ever sit-down interview with Bigfoot in history and not try to learn more about his guest. “They spent all their time talking about Israel,” commented @Abe333. “I wanted to hear more about Bigfoot.”
Daily Wire host Ben Shapiro blasted the interview as divisive. “I have no problem with Tucker interviewing Bigfoot. But to sit there and listen to Bigfoot lecture us on chemtrails when he has no firsthand experience is just ludicrous,” he said. “Bigfoot literally described planes as stone birds, and Tucker just nodded along. It’s hard for me not to believe Tucker agrees with him, and that he has no idea what airplanes are either.”
At publishing time, former Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly had invited Tucker Carlson to appear on her show to praise him for his hard-hitting interview with Bigfoot.
ME: On tomorrows show Tucker will be interviewing the Late Charlie Manson ! (From Heaven!)
Yes, it is amazing how off-the-wall Carlson has gotten since he was fired. I watched the Carlson piece on his diatribe against Shapiro. I do not follow Shapiro, but after listening to Carlson, I watched the bit from Shapiro and Carlson totally, ironically, intentionally misconstrued, maligned, and took out of context what Shapiro said while lamenting how media distorts what people say. I used to like Carlson. He used to appear honest.
‘Yeah Dave, He’s one of THOSE isn’t he? Conspiracy Cabal Theory Nutbags!’ Pot Kettle Don?
Minnesota Added To Trump’s Third-World Travel Ban
U.S. — In addition to preventing people from entering the United States from various nations around the world, the White House revealed on Tuesday that Minnesota had been added to President Trump’s third-world travel ban.
The additional order would officially keep anyone from the foreign land of Minnesota from entering the U.S., eliciting a collective sigh of relief from Americans across the country who live in fear of encountering dangerous immigrants from the North Star State.
“They’re not sending us our best,” Trump told reporters in the Oval Office after adding Minnesota to the travel ban. “Murderers, rapists, criminals of all kinds. We can’t trust these foreigners from Minnesota to follow our laws, so I’m officially banning them from entering our country. Minnesota is filled with people who hate America, so they don’t need to be coming here anyway. If we find any Minnesotans in other places around the country, we’ll deport them back to their home state.”
In response to being added to Trump’s third-world travel ban, mobs of angry Minnesotans took to the streets to wave Somali flags and set buildings on fire. “Death to America!” shouted one Minnesotan. “We hate this country we migrated to and will work tirelessly to participate in its downfall, but this proves that Trump is a fascist!”
The White House clarified that the travel ban would remain in place until the U.S. could negotiate an agreement to ensure that Americans would remain safe from Minnesotans.
At publishing time, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz had been barred from leaving the state after President Trump accused Minnesota of emptying its mental institutions and attempting to send deranged people into the U.S.
PRICELESS! Do folk’s now need a Passport to visit Minihaha? Walz proclaims himself ‘Supreme Flaggett!’
Minnesota Vikings Change Name To Minnesota Somali Pirates
EAGAN, MN — In a move intended to better reflect the state’s modern demographics and generate more interest in the team from the populace, the Minnesota Vikings announced that they were changing their name to the Minnesota Somali Pirates.
Though the franchise had built a proud tradition since joining the NFL in 1961, team ownership reportedly decided that updating the team’s name, logo, and mascot could lead to an increase in fan interest among Minnesota’s growing Somali migrant population.
“This could be a huge boost in interest and revenue,” said Steve Poppen, the team’s Executive Vice President and Chief Business Administration Officer. “We’re always looking for ways to draw more fans to the team, whether they be native Minnesotans, transplants from other states, or volatile third-world migrants who are slowly overtaking the state. We think they’re really going to get excited about the team’s new branding. Especially our new mascot, Walid the Pirate, who will take the place of the beloved but outdated Viktor the Viking. Even our new logo conveys the message, ‘Look at me — I am the football team now.'”
The team said it was leaning into the change, including making giant foam machetes and AK-47s available in the team store. “We want the new fans to feel right at home,” Poppen explained. “We can already tell that opposing teams and their fans will be terrified to come into the hostile territory of our stadium. Venture here at your own risk. I mean that literally.”
At publishing time, the team also announced that the Somali national anthem “Qolobaa Calankeed” would now be played before the start of every home game.
OH GOD I PEED! 
‘Black Hawk Down’ Remake To Be Filmed In Minneapolis
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — A remake of the popular 2001 war film Black Hawk Down was reportedly in development at Columbia Pictures, with producers eyeing downtown Minneapolis as the primary filming location.
“I got stuck there on a layover once, and I thought I’d landed in Somalia, but it was just Minnesota,” producer Jerry Bruckheimer said. “I’ve never been more scared in my entire life. And I’m from Detroit.”
The original film, based on the true story of two U.S. military Black Hawk helicopters that were shot down during the Battle of Mogadishu during the Somali Civil War, was filmed using Morocco as a stand-in for war-torn Somalia, but producers now believe that the Minneapolis of 2025 looks even more like the real thing.
Original director Ridley Scott was reportedly set to return after having been inspired by the reports of location scouting. “I try to be as accurate as possible with my historical depictions, but there’s only so much you can do when you can’t actually film in a war-torn third-world country,” Scott said of his work, “Luckily, the Twin Cities is in absolute shambles. I was shocked when I heard human beings still live there.”
According to sources, more Somalians now live in Minneapolis than in Somalia itself, which gives the location an extra air of realism. “It’s really going to save us on the budget getting to film right here in America without having to fly in Somalian actors,” Bruckheimer said.
At publishing time, filming had been relocated to regular Somalia after Minneapolis was deemed to be too dangerous.
ME: The only way I’d ‘go back’ is if Tim Walz leads me… Oh jeez did I hit my head just now?…..
Is that Titanium, too? That might explain your popularity with the ladies. 
CARACAS — A young employee’s burgeoning career took a massive step forward this week, as a junior cartel member was excited to find out that he was already getting an opportunity to drive the boat.
Luis Delgado, who had only been hired by the cartel two months ago, was notified by his supervisors that he had been promoted to boat driver for the upcoming shipment of narcotics to the United States.
“This is the most amazing day of my life!” Delgado said after hearing the news. “I knew joining the cartel gave me a career with a lot of potential and room for growth, but I never imagined that I would be moving up the ladder so quickly. My boss, Javier ‘El Burro’ Marquez, told me that this promotion could really be explosive for my future. If I do a good job and things go well, things could really blow up for me.”
The Venezuelan cartel had experienced a spike in turnover in recent weeks, with sources saying the organization was struggling to fill boat positions quickly enough to keep operations running smoothly. “We need more men,” one insider said. “It can be so hard to find good help these days. At least help that will survive more than one or two trips. It’s a good opportunity for these young guys to step up and draw some fire — er, I mean, show us what they can do.”
At publishing time, witnesses said they had seen large flashes of light and heard loud booms from the direction where Delgado had driven his boat, leading them to assume he was setting off fireworks to celebrate his new job.
Oh Crap I peed! (I haveta stop doing that! ) Loved this so much Leo I sent them a donation!
Please expedite the Ballroom.
7 Other Things Trump Is Naming After Himself
Politics·Dec 19, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
Eduardo Herzog / Shutterstock
Donald Trump loves Donald Trump. And who can blame him? That’s why it’s super cool and not at all strange that the iconic Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts is being renamed the Trump-Kennedy Center. But this is only the beginning.
Here are 7 more things Trump is naming after himself:
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RFK Jr. will be Robert Francis Trump-Kennedy Jr.: It just rolls off the tongue. He’s already agreed to it.
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The White House is being renamed Castle Gray-Trump: It is the source of ultimate power.
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The Big Mac will instead be called the Big Don: The best, most beautiful burger named after the best, most beautiful president.
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Washington, D.C. will now be Washington, D.T.: Nobody ever knows what the “D.C.” stands for anyway.
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The Epstein List will become known as the Trump List: Takes the negative stigma away and makes the list much, much better.
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The Gulf of America will be rechristened the Gulf of Trump: Whose idea was it to name it “Gulf of America” anyway?
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Christmas = Trumpmas: It’s time for the holiday to be named after someone who has done wonderful things for all Christians.
It looks like Trump really is making America great again. Or should it be “making Trumpmerica Trump again?” Which name is your favorite? Let us know in the comments.
My Favorite? #3 The Big Mac will instead be called the Big Don: The best, most beautiful burger named after the best, most beautiful president. (Obviously!) 
‘Have a Trumpy-Whumpy Trump-mis, and a Demoncrat Free New year! Fa-La- La-La-La-La- FO!’
Check Out These Amazing Features On The New Trump-Class Battleship
U.S.·Dec 23, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
President Trump announced an exciting new Trump-class battleship that will be the largest, fastest, and most powerful battleship fleet in the world.
The Babylon Bee has obtained an exclusive schematic of this formidable new war machine:
Additional features not pictured will include:
19" solid gold cannons: Way better than the Yamato’s puny 18.1" cannons.
Escalator the Captain can use for big announcements: Order men to their battle stations in style.
Loudspeakers play YMCA to start every morning: The Village People promote a warrior spirit.
State-of-the-art detention center where prisoners are held in place by magnets: All the best detention centers use magnets.
Galley where McRib is served all year round: Proper nourishment is important for our warfighters.
When it’s a full moon, the crew turns into skeletons: Sweet!
Novelty gift shop where you can buy Art of the Deal and other Trump merchandise: The crew is sure to love this feature.
Special spot on the prow where Trump can yell, “I’m king of the world!”: To own the libs.
Absolutely remarkable. The Trump-class will make our Navy the envy of the world.
’GAYDAR’ oh you slay me Bee!
Disappointing: Thompson Submachine Gun-Shaped Box Turns Out To Be Socks
Family·Dec 23, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
CLEVELAND, OH — While opening a present shaped like a Tommy gun, local father Fred Reinfeld was once again disappointed to discover it was only socks.
“Huh. I was really sure this was going to be a M1928 Thompson Submachine Gun,” Reinfeld said, before quickly catching himself. “I mean — cool. Socks.”
According to sources, Reinfeld hadn’t actually expected to receive a Thompson Submachine Gun for Christmas, but when he saw the box in the corner shaped exactly like a Tommy gun he couldn’t help but think of the possibilities. “Just once I would like to hold a Chicago typewriter and say, ‘Take that, coppers!’ before firing it off at the shooting range,” he said. “It’s my dream.”
Also known as a trench broom or prohibition piano, the Thompson Submachine Gun with optional drum magazine is capable of firing 50-100 rounds 600-725 rounds per minute, which Reinfeld has confirmed is “really neat” and “way better than socks.”
“Really, it’s on me for getting my hopes up. Why would my family get me a Tommy gun? That’s, heh, that’s silly,” he said, unable to hide his disappointment.
At publishing time, Reinfeld’s wife, who had done all the Christmas shopping herself without any help, was once again disappointed that her husband didn’t like his gifts.
ME: ‘THAT’S GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE ANY JUDGE WILL TELL YA!’
‘‘THAT SOCKS!’ Tee Hee Hee!
Exclusive: The Babylon Bee Has Obtained A Copy Of Trump‘s New Year’s Resolutions
It’s the end of December, which means people all over the world are making their lists of New Year’s resolutions for 2026 — and President Donald Trump is no different.
Through high-level contacts, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following copy of Trump’s resolutions for the coming year:
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Build a wall around New York City: To keep the riffraff from escaping into the U.S.
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Put his face on all U.S. currency: Nobody remembers people like Lincoln, Andrew Jackson, or Ben Franklin anyway.
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Reconnect with Macaulay Culkin: Make sure he knows where to find the bathroom.
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Broker peace with all the losers and haters: A truce only Trump can negotiate.
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Break ground on the White House Monster Truck Arena: Fulfilling a promise he made to JD Vance.
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Apply crippling economic pressure on McDonald’s until they bring the McRib back year-round: Sky-high tariffs on every extra value meals until they cave.
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Abandon strategy of hiring hot female attorneys and instead hire even hotter female attorneys: It’ll definitely work this time.
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Bomb the Norwegian Nobel Committee for refusing to award him the Peace Prize: That’ll show ‘em.
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To achieve world peace so Earth will be unified against the impending alien invasion: The galactic army from Zorlox IX won’t stand a chance when Trump is elected President of Earth.
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Prepare an astonishingly spiteful obituary for that 4th-rate loser Dick Van Dyke: He never said nice things about Trump, even once.
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Forget the list — change nothing: President Trump is already perfect.
If you thought 2025 was a year of winning, you haven’t seen anything yet. What other resolutions should President Trump have for 2026? Post your suggestions in the comments.
- All folk’s named ‘Donald’ should be immediately Knighted to Sainthood! (works for me! ARGH!)
Build a wall around New York City: To keep the riffraff from escaping into the U.S. (ARE YOU SURE THIS IS SATIRE? I’m starting not to believe you!) - Tell the ‘Zorlox’ (from above) JB Pritzsker and Brandon Johnson made fun of their little weenies! Then Google Illinoid and show them where they live!
- HOPPY NEW YEAR TROOPERS!