Am I making the right choice?

I had a “friend” last month hit me up and was talking about how they needed money to get out of a relationship, and needed home, I assumed home was her moms house, nope she’s staying up in the area 100 miles away.

I gave her some money, and of course the next day, she’s asking for money to pay all her bills that are overdue and shut off.

I block her.

She called me up with a different number, saying it’s her birthday and that her friend drove her somewhere, and that she’s in this house and the dude is really messed up on meth and she is hiding and is scared and is asking for more money.

I asked where she is, and she’s like 30 miles away from me, and she said she needs picked up like now, and I tell her I can pick her up. She switches up and asks for $40, and then $20. Now she’s asking how long would it take for me to ge there.

I’m with a friend right now and he’s telling me don’t go, and I’m kind of conflicted.

At one hand this person is trying to use me, and on another she may really be in danger.


Do not go, she needs to clean up her act, plus you could be getting set up to be robbed


True. It’s just a hard decision when feelings are involved.


I completely understand, but her behavior is all over the map. The best thing for her would be to leave where ever she is and seek professional support. She’ll just suck you dry of everything. I’ve seen it before.


Guess it’s one of those things you step your foot into, no matter how ya do it, you’ll lose in the end. Thank you.


If you think her claim to danger is valid, call a cop. If not, get a new phone number.


Because of her claim I would call the police, why take chances? If she is in danger, then you would put yourself and anyone that went with you in danger also. To a jury it could look like you went looking for trouble.


If she was really in danger, she wouldn’t be asking for money. She’d be asking for help getting out of there. There’s a pattern in your story, she’s asking for money. She might need help, but she isn’t yet at the place where she’s asking for it. When she gets to the point where she’s asking for help instead of money, then perhaps you could re-engage. Until then, you’re basically just enabling her behavior.

It sucks, but you have to say no.


To me it would depend on so many factors that only you know. The fact that you are here asking tells me your spidey sense is going off. I suggest you trust that instinct.

I’ve known of so many people who will suck you dry as has been said. If she’s with a guy on meth, what is she on? Do you seriously think she’s clean? Are you really equipped to help whatever needs she has? Where are you gonna take her when you pick her up? To your place? Does that bring danger closer to you and your family? How long do you really think she’s gonna stay wherever you take her?


She’s a user. Best thing to do is block her, change the locks on your doors and not talk to her again. You’re only going to be used and/or set up. Ditch her now while there isn’t much skin in the game.


Avoid her like the plague. I can guarantee you that your red flags are legitimate and valid, she doesn’t need help she needs money which is indicative of substance use disorder issues and you can’t ‘save’ an addict and if you’re foolish enough to believe you can cheer them on to success it’ll just set you up for being victimized and robbed and possibly even assaulted or shot and killed your self . Don’t play fairy godmother guardian Angel games be real and have mobile crisis pick her up for 24 hr surveillance and detox and hopefully finding placement in an inpatient recovery facility. It doesn’t get fixed or turned around in 5-7 days it takes months and quite often years.


I had to deal with this sort of situation myself, but it was my X wife. She would tell me some story and if I played my cards right, she would change her story and tell me not to worry about it. It was a sad situation to be in. She once told me we needed to pay the rent, or we will be evicted. I got the rent money, and I took her to a cash machine and she “deposited the money.” I was evicted the next month not having the rent paid in three months. She was staying out of town at the time because of work. She was actually living with another guy.
She was a user. She was manipulative. She blamed me for everything that happened to us.

Sorry for dumping this story on you all but some people do not need the type of help they are asking for. They need a whole other type of help!


I hear you. For you to have shared does say a lot about the risks or sketchiness of the situation. If those closest to you heard, I wonder what they would say, especially the ladies in our lives who often try to protect us.

I don’t know much about you-- being this is an electronic forum, but I can tell you are very likeable and have a big heart, so I like some of the others — worry for “your” safety.

I remember once I wanted to help someone but due to lack of my own resources at the time, instead of committing too close geographically or too quickly, instead of going there; I tried to help in other ways, sent a small amount of money, lended an ear, created a list of counseling centers available near them, and sent them a nice card. In the end, I think it was well received, and I felt better knowing I didn’t just leave them hanging but ensured they had a list of agencies they could call for help, like 24-hour helplines, or crisis lines. Later on, after the danger had surpassed, I was able to reconnect with them and continue to be of support, but in a safer environment.


I’d tell her that the cops can reach her faster than you can.


I figure she will contact me again at some point. But I don’t know where to begin to give her help.

My only idea is to bring her back in town, force her to quit her job 100 miles away, in a city where the prices and cost of living is outrageously high, get her a job here, clean her up, and reset her life and get to where she needs to be.

But again I’ve been in a situation where I moved in with roommates and they all ended up quitting their jobs, and forced me to pay everything while they “looked” for jobs, thinking these guys were my friends, I didn’t realize how horrible of a situation I was in, or how miserable I was until I had a night where a lady from out of state I’ve been talking to wanted to meet up and get an Airbnb together, and go on a date. We did, I taught her shooting and stuff, and it was at that moment I realized I was the happiest I’ve ever been since 2 years before that moment, so I never came back. Got out of that situation, and I’m still dealing with the financial mess from that still today.

But I know I’m moving in the right direction, just wished I could get other people there.

The friend here, is somebody I grew up with throughout elementary, middle, and high school and she keeps trying to manipulate me using those memories and telling me things that I’ve forgotten about or things I didn’t know about in school.

I hate seeing people failing in life, because everybody has potential.

But again when I desperately needed my own place, my current friend referred me to his landlord and I rent through his landlord, and when I was struggling with bills a bit on my own, and my boss demoted me and lied to the district manager that I wasn’t doing stuff that I was doing, and I needed a new job and a new one fast, my friend put a word in at his work and I got in the next week and I’ve been there a month already, have plenty of money got my bills caught up, and I’m doing just fine now. I never asked money from my friend, and now we work right next to each other, and hangout after work with each other.

But with her it doesn’t seem that that’s the path she wants to go on.

I told my friend last night as well, I’m the shiny knight with armor in the movie, not the TV series.


That’s a dope Fiene move; hang up the phone; she will just call the next person on her list of perceived suckers. Don’t be one of them.


If you really have genuine feelings, don’t be an enabler, because that will be hurting without helping.


in my experience, you can only help people who honestly want to help themselves. short of staging an intervention or calling the police if you think shes actually in danger, your choices are pretty limited.


I had a foster sister in law. Different situation but similar. She bounced around from man to man. Had kids blest them all and went somewhere else. Would call up the in laws from time time wanting to move back “home.” They cut her off and never looked back.

Not telling anyone else how to do it. Every situation is different.

My only advice is be careful. It’s not wrong to protect your own interests. And it’s not wrong to take risks to help someone either.