Partner Situational Awareness?

In another thread, @James mentioned:

Do you train with your significant other using a safe word or phrase?


My wife and I do not have verbal cues, mainly because she has hearing issues and can not always pick up on something like that (not her fault she loss a major part of her hearing as a child).

If she sees “THE LOOK” or sees me do something odd (she knows me well) I can give her hand signals she can/will follow.

Non verbal cues can work as well as a “safe phrase” if you are in tune with each other.

My wife does not shoot and has no desire to (long story to tell in person if you meet me and ask). I am not sure if she would try to pick up a gun knowing her life might depend on it.

Dont Judge, I have offered to teach or pay to have someone else teach her, she just doesn’t want to.


No judgement here brother man. My daughter won’t touch a handgun. I’ve gotten her trained on as much non lethal and hand to hand as she will take. Plus gave her 2 100 lb. K-9 trained dogs and mounted 2 cans of Bear Mace in her apartment. So I definitely understand the point.

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Hmm, took the girlfriend shooting once, she enjoyed it. Would like here to get her CHL, but in the mean time probably should work out some phrase to alert her if I see something.

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We use intruder. Short. Doesn’t sound like much else.

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I firmly believe that not everyone needs to be a fan of handguns (gasp). I think everyone wants a way to protect themselves and some people just aren’t fans of firearms - and that’s OK. As long as they don’t try to take my right to bear arms away.

There are many people I know who have had bad experiences through no fault of their own with handguns. Some have gotten over it and like handguns, some have gotten over it and don’t like handguns, and some haven’t gotten over it at all.

People need to be able to like/dislike what they like/dislike without judgment (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else).

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Just to be clear, she doesn’t have anything against them and has had the opportunity to go shooting/hunting her whole life. She just isn’t into it and that’s Okay

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I can understand your position, and know it on a personal level. It’s an admirable position you have of respecting her boundaries.

On a personal note, I am terrified for my daughter’s sake. She has no interest in firearms. As a father it’s not a topic that I am willing to lose my relationship with my daughter over. So we found alternative means for her to be safe.

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The verbal clue is a great idea. We do the same, but once engaged, I have her stand behind me and put her right hand on my left shoulder and move with with me. That way shes out of danger zone and I always know where she is. I can maneuver the confrontation from there until we disengage from the hostilities When I first tried to teach her she didnt take it seriously. Then it happened.
A puddle of pee on the pavement and she understood the importance of mutual synchronozation and partner situation awareness.
Also she always found it funny when we eat out, that I sit where I have a bird’s eye view of the place. I always point out the exits and the kitchen doors. She wanted to know what’s so important about the kitchen doors and I explained to her that kitchens always have an exit door leading outside. Oh!


I think this is great. There was a church shooting in White Settlement TX. The active shooter was actually stopped by a conceal carry holder (I believe he was former FBI). That church had an extensive security team with CC holders. I believe they did a good job, and the man who stopped him is a hero.

BUT everyone in the church was very suspicious. The man had a fake beard and he kept walking in and out of the sanctuary. I have spoken with my wife, and have said if we are ever in a situation where the other says “We need to leave now” we don’t question it until later. I’m not going to stick around with a strange behaving man with an obviously fake beard, wearing a large trench coat with sunglasses on inside.


@Dawn I ran into a situation about two weeks ago where my 80 year old neighbor was at a baby shower Nancy was giving. Most of the people were “gun people” and we were talking about the upcoming vote on 2A and Nancy asked me to mention it to Audrey. I started to tell her about it and she stated “I don’t like guns” She said in the past she had an abusive husband and one night he had been drinking and held a gun to her head and pulled the trigger, she said the only reason she is alive is because the gun malfunctioned and wouldn’t fire. To this day she is afraid of guns. Wow,
we had no idea.

Oh no! That’s terrible, @Bruce26! I can understand her dislike for guns after an experience like that.

I’m glad she survived and wish her many more years of health and happiness! I cannot imaging going through that.

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My wife is by no means a paranoid person nor does she live in an unrealistic fantasy of the world. She has been open to awareness and home defense sense we got engaged years ago. We developed a home defense plan and a plan for when we’re in public. We find it much easier to stick with Col. Coopers color codes. She knows what they are and so does our son and we each know what to do if one of us elevated the awareness level. I’m lucky, she knows how to handle herself. I really wish she would get certified to instruct.