TO THE GANG
TO THE GANG
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they spending the first night of their honeymoon.
They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww - what’s wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
Why are your feet so gross?"
“I had tolio as a child,” he answered.
“You mean polio?” she asked.
“No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes.”
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.
“What’s wrong with your knees?” She asked. “They’re all lumpy and deformed!”
“As a child, I also had kneasles,” he explained.
“You mean measles?” she asked.
“No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.”
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
“Don’t tell me,” she said. "Let me guess…. Smallcox?"
The phone rings at the FBI headquarters.
Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbor’s house.
Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call.
I need my garden plowed.”
Real? Natalie Schafer, who played Mrs. Howell, recounted in an interview how she was having lunch at a sidewalk café, when a passing stranger recognized her.
“Aren’t you Natalie Schafer?” the woman asked.
“I am,” Ms. Shafer replied.
“I didn’t know you all had been rescued!” exclaimed the woman.
P.S. It was the tour that was three hours. I’m sure the storm lasted much longer and the currents carried them farther than cruising could have.
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: “What is the usual tip?”
“Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.”
“Is that so?” snorted Mr. Smith. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.”
“Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.”
“What are you studying in school?” asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: “Applied psychology.”
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
10.Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
11.How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
12.What was the best thing before sliced bread?
13.One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
14.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
15.Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?
16.Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
17.Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
nuuu uhh… did not!!! NOPE NOPE NOPE… you believe me don’t ya???
(pouting) no (officially pouting)