First find and kill a 260 pound pig ( not Pelosi ). Gather burlap, rocks, wood and as many banana leaves as you can find. Couple of heads of lettuce from the House of Representatives, some chicken wire and a tarp.
Dig a grave, I mean ditch, ok a pit, 2’ x 6’ x 2’ fill it with lots of wood ( not Schummer or Schiff ).
Pile on all the rocks and cover all the cracks ( like Kinzinger and Cheney ).
Fill this with as much lighter fluid as you can carry. Let it soak into the wood. Light a match, toss from a distance, lose eyebrows, beards, ( they don’t call them sideburns for nothing) and some Nadler.
Let that burn for the duration of an impeachment hearing.
Prep the pig ( ________________________), your choice! Lay down chicken wire, next a layer of banana leaves, coat the pig with a layer of soy sauce, brandy and five pounds of rock salt ( not Janet Yellen ). Line the inside of the pig with banana leaves and some Swalwell.
Once the fire dies down and the rocks are white hot and glowing red and they will be glowing, like AOC. Spread some hot coals out creating a flat surface like Kamala’s work ethic.
Find some gullible liberals hand them shovels to dig out some of the glowing hot rocks. To be placed inside the banana leafed pig. Steam will spray from every orifice just like when the Roe v Wade decision was handed down.
Wrap the pig in the chicken wire and tie it off like a January 6 committee, allow the liberals to line the hot coals and glowing red hot rocks with the lettuce and banana leaves.
Now that you’ve been acquitted, carry the pig and drop it in the pit of leaves, rocks and coals.
Cover the whole committee with a double layer of leaves and wet burlap. Try not to let any liberal steam escape! Cover completely with a tarp. Use mass media dirt to cover all the edges, NOTHING should escape and will probably start to balloon up like a Clinton hoax.
Allow to simmer in their own juices for approximately 16 hours. Then let the flaying begin. You can enjoy your pig for the next 6 months if properly preserved, like the Bill of Rights!