FYI
Which president had a child at 70 years old?
Tyler, born during the presidency of *George Washington, fathered his last child at age seventy, and the last of his offspring would live into the Truman presidency. During Tyler’s lifetime, Washington, D.C., was a swampy, disease-ridden place.
It’s changed any?
Meta founder Mark Zuckerberg released a video statement outlining the upcoming changes that would be made to content restriction policies on Facebook and Instagram, revealing that Facebook would stop suppressing all the free speech he had previously insisted wasn’t being suppressed on Facebook.
“This is a major shift toward no longer doing the things I said we weren’t doing,” Zuckerberg said in the statement. “While we never suppressed free speech and expression at Facebook, we felt that the election of 2024 was a cultural pivot point that made it clear that we had to stop suppressing free speech and expression. Even though we absolutely never did it, starting now, we’re going to stop doing it.”
Conservatives who had been victimized by the social media platform’s oppressive policies were pleased to find out that the conduct Zuckerberg said never happened would reportedly come to an end in the coming months. “Even though it wasn’t ever happening, we’re not going to do it anymore,” Zuckerberg emphasized. “We owe it to our users who were never censored to stop censoring them.”
Zuckerberg stressed that these changes would be implemented over time, with the goal of putting an end to the policies that he said were never in place.
At publishing time, Zuckerberg’s video promoting free speech and limiting censorship on Facebook had been censored by Facebook.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of other things Trump plans to rename:
My wife’s cat begs for steak, but when I give him a piece, he typically sniffs it and walks away, but several minutes later scoffs it down like it is the best thing in the world, which, of course, it is.
Don’t know where my son got it when he was young. He used to say: give a rat a french fry and he’ll be wanting a cheeseburger next.
U.S. — As the entire nation watched in horror at the devastation being unleashed on California by multiple wildfires, the American people were treated to a preview of what a Gavin Newsom presidency might look like.
As fires raged throughout Los Angeles and surrounding hills this week and forced hundreds of thousands of people to evacuate their homes. Gavin Newsom surveyed the fires as Americans saw firsthand what a Newsom presidency might look like.
“A flaming hellscape? Ok, good to know that’s what we’d have to look forward to,” North Dakota resident Mark Larsen said. “Add in rampant taxes, thousands of illegal aliens pouring across the border, and no prosecution for criminals? The country’s future has never looked brighter. Brighter because of fire.”
Many critics have linked the wildfires to Newsom’s governance, or lack thereof, and are grateful to know now what the entire country would look like if he were president. The governor was quick to defend his record.
“My results speak for themselves,” Newsom said to reporters. “And when I am president, I can assure every American that the United States will look exactly like California.”
At publishing time, Newsom promised that if elected president he would immediately raise taxes, increase regulations to oppressive levels, and add an unprecedented amount to the national debt to give every American the opportunity to know what it feels like to experience the dream of living in California.
In a follow up, FJB said it took an entire weekend of work using two loaders and aD-9 dozer to make sure his Delaware beach house was safe. In a side note when he said the word dozer FJB asked if it was nap time already.
Sadly, the truth was worse. BB is almost funny, but he is so pathetic, it is painful having to wait until Inauguration Day - Biden is not there now, likely physically, but definitely not mentally…
Residents breathed a sigh of relief as soon as they witnessed Markle aimlessly walking around in a Dodgers cap, knowing the fires could no longer touch them.
“Saved! We’re saved!” cried out throngs of adoring onlookers, watching as Markle stood chatting in her cap. “Look at how she stands there, intermittently wearing a mask and a baseball cap. Take that, wildfire!”
According to sources, not since the Miracle of Dunkirk have so many lives been rescued from peril in such heroic fashion. “The way Meghan just lazily looked around, wearing a hat – we owe her our lives,” said local man Harris Denton. “If not for her, we would be lost. Long live Meghan!”
At publishing time, Los Angeles had awarded Markle the key to the city and vowed to build a monument rivaling the Statue of Liberty in honor of her great deeds.
there is more truth to this than we know.
After spending four years as the chief executive of the United States, Jill was reportedly winding down her daily itinerary and taking what sources described as a “bittersweet” inventory as she got ready to no longer be the person running the country.
“Not being President is going to be a big change for her,” said one insider. “It’s just what she’s been used to for so long. She’s been carrying the mantle of responsibility this whole time, and it’s going to be difficult for her next week to just hand over the reins to someone else.”
One highly placed source within the Biden administration said Jill would do her best to tie up any loose ends before leaving office on January 20th. “She’s still got a few important meetings left,” the insider said. “She’ll be issuing some pardons to some of the most evil people in human history, sending another $50 billion or so to Ukraine, and if she can get around to it by the weekend, she’d really like to finally get World War III kicked off. It’ll be a busy week, but these last few attempts to bankrupt and destroy America won’t just get done by themselves.”
At publishing time, White House staff also revealed that the last week of Jill’s presidency would also include a significant amount of time spent packing up Joe’s toys and clearing out the playroom.
Authorities said Juan Manuel Sierra-Leyva was apprehended trying to start a wildfire while in possession of a gas-powered blowtorch in a clear violation of California law, which stipulates that all catastrophic wildfires be started with only energy-efficient electric blowtorches.
“We only allow environmentally friendly arson in this state,” said Sgt. Pete Rodriguez of the Los Angeles Police Department. “We received reports that this suspect was out here setting fires with a gas blowtorch, which is a blatant disregard for the laws and regulations of California. We apprehended the suspect and got him off the street, which will make room for more environmentally conscious arsons using the proper tools.”
Governor Gavin Newsom applauded law enforcement’s commitment to focusing on the state’s priorities amid the ongoing wildfire crisis. “We know what’s truly important here in California,” Newsom told reporters. “There is a right way to ignite devastating wildfires, and using a gas-powered blowtorch is not it.”
The governor’s office said that the gas blowtorch had been confiscated as part of a statewide plan to provide arsonists with electric blowtorches.
At publishing time, Newsom announced that he would be signing an executive order that would require all wildfires in California to ravage the state more efficiently by 2035.
A: what are they going to do with all the hazardous waste from the burned out EVs? They can always contract out to Chi-na to dump it out in the deep ocean. Out of sight out of mind.
In less than one full day of questioning before the Senate Armed Services Committee, Hegseth withstood a near-constant barrage from female Democratic senators, leaving witnesses amazed by his heroic display of courage and determination.
“A truly astounding example of toughness and bravery in the face of danger,” Republican Senator Eric Schmidt said. “I’ve heard a lot of inspiring stories over the years from combat veterans, but what we witnessed today was impressive. What Pete Hegseth endured today will go down in history books.”
The Silver Star, which is awarded to soldiers to recognize gallantry in action against enemies of the United States, was presented to Hegseth at the conclusion of the day’s hearing. “You’re an inspiration to us all,” Senator Rick Scott said after Hegseth received the commendation. “Few men have withstood such punishment and lived to tell the tale. Anyone who was on the fence about Pete Hegseth’s toughness and qualifications to lead America’s military shouldn’t have any more doubts.”
When reached for comment, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand said, “REEEEEEEEE! REEEEEEE! REEEEEEE!”
Hegseth was modest after receiving the honor. “It’s just part of the job,” he said. “Hearing live rounds whizzing by your head in combat is good preparation for dealing with feminist senators.”
At publishing time, reports surfaced that the female Democratic members of the committee would face charges for torturing an American soldier.
Do you all remember Joe Biden? Has there ever been a more memorable president besides, you know…the guy? No. No there has not been.
That’s why we have recalled the idyllic days of the last four years to come up with some of the best moments from the Biden presidency. Here are 11 of the best from the Biden years.
Whoopsie! Duplicate Topic! I SORRY 
I figured you were just drinking again 
Nah! I gave that up for Lent, Sassparella and Morphine Baby! Rocket Fuel! 
