A brand new priest was really nervous about leading his first mass.
He did the mass but because of his nerves, he stuttered some & forgot where he was a couple times. At the end of mass, he goes to the Monsignor & says, “Father, I know because of my nerves, I didn’t do too well today. Do you have any advice on how to make my next mass better?”
The Monsignor says, “Son, don’t worry about it. All of us have been new & nervous. Next week, why don’t you put a little gin or vodka in your holy water, if you know what I mean. It should relax you.”
The next week he took the Monsignor’s advice & drank a little too much vodka. He got up at mass & preached up a storm. Afterward, he went to the Monsignor & asked, “How did I do this week, Father?”
The Monsignor said, “You did a lot better but there are a few facts you should get straight…
- There are 10 Commandments, not 12,
- 12 Disciples not 10,
- David slew Goliath, he didn’t beat the ■■■■ out of him.
- Next week there is a Taffy-Pulling contest at St Peter’s, not a Peter-Pulling contest at St Taffy’s,
- We do not refer to the cross as the ‘Big T’,
- We do not refer to Jesus Christ & His disciples as ‘JC & the Boys’,
- We do not refer to the Father, Son & Holy Spirit as ‘Big Daddy, JC & the Spook’,
- And last but not least, we do not refer to the Virgin Mary as ‘Mary with the Cherry’!”
