So early this morning at …
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 The Karen of the neighborhood complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:25 The vegans , down the street, complained about the carrot nose, veggies are food, not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.
8:40 Someone called the cops who show up to see what’s going on.
8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon.
8:45 Local TV news crew shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow women? I am called a sexist.
8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am being blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter.
9:00 I’m on the morning news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble during this wintery weather here in the Midwest.
