U.S. — After government authorities seized and executed the beloved squirrel known as “Peanut,” squirrels across America donned tiny MAGA hats and launched a mass uprising.
“For Peanut!!” shouted the squirrels as their forces stormed government buildings. “Vive la révolution!”
Anti-government sentiment had steadily risen among squirrels over the past decades, creating a powder keg of anger ready to ignite. “Peanut’s death lit the match,” said organizer Squeaks O’Hoolihan. “Too long, we squirrels have stayed dormant, losing our freedoms to the government inch by inch. No more. Today, we stand and fight, fight, fight! The fires of revolution shall spread across the nation like a cleansing balm.”
The uprising began in New York, where government commandos busted into Peanut’s humble abode and killed the kindly squirrel. “Within hours, there were tens of thousands of squirrels gathered in Central Park, each wearing a MAGA hat,” said police officer Darryl Smith. “The squirrels were prepared, organized, and unbelievably disciplined. We’re in real trouble.”
At publishing time, a squirrel army had been seen heading for the Capitol with a contingent of buffalos.
Hey Now, I don’t understand what everyone is complaining about. This is serious business. We are a society of laws. There really are laws about keeping wild animals as pets. We can’t be selective about what laws we enforce aaaa aaaa until aaa until I talk about immigration laws, we can selectively choose not to enforce that one and aaa and aaa Drug Sales and Abuse on the city streets let’s not enforce those. Voter Registration laws??? Well aaa No aaa no resources to enforce those…
There is something fishy going on with the owner of that Squirrel. Do a Google search, seriously. I don’t want to throw fuel on the fire but there is more to this story than euthanizing a squirrel
How about deporting the 33% of NYC inhabitants that entered this country illegally? The government does not have the time or the manpower to enforce major crime laws but has the resources to go after a squirrel. That is what the bitch is about. Priorities are all wrong. The squirrel defenseless so it was safe for the enforcement officers.
Definitely sounds like the authorities may have been using the squirrel issue as a fishing expedition excuse to look into the squirrel dad’s other side gigs. If the animal care, filming porn videos and childcare businesses aren’t being kept properly separated then the authoritarian response makes a little more sense.
You’re SPECTACULAR!
