As a parent, these are statements that were made to me by others. We were to strict, we needed to let her do her own thing. We needed to be her friend
My daughter is less than a year away from becoming a Doctor. Their kids are some combination of the following…
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In prison.
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Addicted to substances.
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Teenage parent.
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Aimless, and living off of their family or inheritance.
But they want to know how we raised our daughter to be successful. Yet criticized the way we did it. It wasn’t always easy, there were times we felt defeated and exhausted from sticking to our principles. But raising her with a goal towards the long term, that was our goal. We love our daughter with a depth only other parents will know.
When my wife and I were raising our daughter, we always said it is not our job to be our daughter’s friend. Our job is to be her mother and her father, her parents. To successfully model what is appropriate male behaviour towards women, to model appropriate female behaviour, to support her, to be there for her.
We had 3 simple rules and 1 overarching principle.
Rules. Before we started evening relaxation. No TV until…
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Homework had to be done. Never really much of a problem, my daughter was/is very smart. She usually got through her homework before school was over. She has had 2, yes 2 B’s in her entire academic career (she is currently in her final year of medical school), all other grades were A’s. She went to one of the top 10 highest academically achieving High Schools in the nation. The graduating class had an average of $400,000 in scholarships per student. My daughter had approximately $750,000 in scholarships. College has not cost her a penny, any expenses above her scholarships has been paid for from our 529 fund. Or her own work earnings, she has worked full time throughout her college years. She will become a Doctor with $0 debt.
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Her chores had to be complete. Her chores were to vacuum 2 rugs, and the stairs of our home. She maintained her private living spaces: her bedroom, playroom, and her bathroom.
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Her exercise routine. She chose to be a competition cheer flyer. Her coaches required alternating strength, flexibility, and cardio training. Physically. For fun and relaxation she runs “Spartan” races, is adept in Krav Maga, and a concealed carrier.
The overarching philosophy as a parent was…
If you do something, tell me the truth, you are not in trouble. It was more important to us, that we had 100% honesty and trust between us. Than it was to punish her.
We taught her from a young age about delayed gratification. It was not always easy, but we stuck by those rules and philosophies. I think the proof is in the result.
Parents need to parent. For 18 years we parented. Now we get to continue to support her and to be her advocate and cheerleader. We are very proud of the result and will always love and defend who she has become.
This is my ode to being a proud parent. Our daughter is not who she is despite of us. She is who she is because of us.