When I lived in Texas, my mates and I caught and roasted an armidillo over a campfire. I’ve eaten snake, alligator, squirrel, even dog, to name a few. Anyway, back to the thread. (I don’t know why I felt the need to share.)
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I rate both Jack Crevalle and Bonita over Armadillo. I am going to have to be desperate to eat any of those three again. 
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While I was staying at my mother’s house in rural MO. the field in back of mom’s house was becoming overgrown to the point it would have needed a tractor w/ Brushhog or would need to burn the field. Mom asked her immediate boss if her husband wanted to cut the field for the hay.
Later in the week mom said someone is going to stop by a look at field to cut it. 3 weeks later I was back at moms house one morning when a white Dodge pick up pulls into the driveway. Didn’t recognize the truck but no problem, I had my AR pistol sitting next to me. Figured the guy will knock on door in a second or two. Minute or two go by & no door knock yet and I know the white Dodge didn’t leave the driveway yet.
I grabbed the AR and look thru the windows. I can see the truck is parked on the grass next to my shop & driver door is open. Barry Lawrence counties are said to be the Meth Capital of the country. I quietly open door at other side of house and cautiously work my way towards the shop. When I got to the shop I could tell no one was in there. I work my way to the other side of shop & I see a guy standing in the back field.
There happened to be a firewood pile about 2 feet on my right. I fired off a shot into the wood pile. The guy spun around with his eyes wide open. He says to me “what the hell, what are you doing?” I told him he was on private property. He replies with”your mom called me to cut the back field”, I told him to get the F out of here.
He got in his truck and left. I went back in the house and the phone rings- it’s mom. She says the guy is going to come and look at the back field. I said ohh, I think he went home to change his underwear. After a second or two of silence mom asked, in that mothers what did you do voice? I told her and she says, that was my boss’s husband. Then mom says “I told him if the white truck was there, my son is home, knock on the door.
Betting he remembers to knock on the door especially at a house outside the city limits.
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In one of my many lives, years ago…I was a “bull hauler” (hauled cows). Grew up as a city boy, hated the smell of cow sh$$t. We had a small fleet of trucks hauling grain, hay, and livestock. City boy turns bull hauler. Black cowboy hat, sh$$t kickers, belt with some sort of large buckle. Boy howdy, I looked the part. Drove a “B” model Kenworth with truck number 77, cat engine and rolled coal (black smoke). Top speed, I don’t remember, but was fast. Learned how to haul cows, load, etc.
We usually traveled with two loaded trucks, had or own FM radio frequency for communication. Now the funny part…wait a little more background…most cars that pass a truck, for some reason will hang behind a bit before passing. Almost as the driver is unsure to pass or go. White cars were the target…
The rear truck would radio the front loaded truck when a white car would approach, and the car would always hang back a bit before passing the front truck. Then as the white car starts to pass the front truck, rear truck radio signal “bombs away” would be uttered. Folks, you aint going to believe this sh$$t but… Front truck would tap the brakes, yes I enjoyed driving the front truck, the cows would generously spray cow pee and sh$$t. Bingo, spill on aisle 7!!!
Folks “please don’t do this at home”…oh and my mrs drives a white p/u.
Stay tuned for some more trucking stories from city boy…
I don’t know if I ever told you folks about this. True story, you’ll realize as you read.
I was taking a shortcut a while back down a dirt road through some beautiful farm country. I was in an area where I’d never traveled, so I was following my friend’s directions. He grew up on a farm there.
As I was rounding a gentle bend I saw a dust cloud being kicked up behind me. I was running 45 mph, and this thing was gaining on me like a bottle rocket. As it whizzed by, I saw it was a chicken…a three legged chicken running like a road runner (the Plymouth kind). That chicken passed me, took a turn beside a farm house and out behind the barn. The farmer was in the yard so I stopped.
“Did you see that?”
“Yep. One of mine. I raise 'em.”
“Why raise three legged chickens?”
“Well when we fry a chicken, more than two people always want a leg. This way three can get what they want.”
“Well how do they taste?”
“Beats me. We’ve never caught one.”
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Hello Ggun Gnome. What’s gnu with catchoo?
I pray you’re well and full of joy.
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God bless her! Just because I cant find my sunglasses, I hope i will not make the same mistake.
“Break 19! Hey Buford, do you know what today is?”
“No Bandit, what day is it?”
“10-4”
“But what day is it?”
“10-4”
“I’m gonna bobbacue…”
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13 of Bill Burr’s comedy pieces…
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Great magazine cover, that’s my carry gun. 
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When I was growing up most people didn’t lock up the house when they left. My family closed and locked the doors, but left the windows open to keep the house cool in the summer.
I rode my bike 3 miles to my friends house one summer day. I came up to the open front door and called out. I got the immediate response, “Come on in!” I stepped inside and didn’t see anybody. So I poked my head in my friend’s room, still nobody in sight. I called out again, “Where is everybody?” Immediate response came back, “We’re in the kitchen.” I went in the kitchen, still nobody. It was about that time I realized I was talking to their mynah bird. 
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This is humor related to the ammo shortages. The linked website to this real ammunition store, has a video on the home page.
When I first saw it, I couldn’t believe it. I thought it was funny; especially as I look and think just like the fellah in the vid; Short, overweight (hence I’m seeing the doctor tomorrow), and dorky; Especially compared to the healthier looking models. I didn’t like the way they disrespected women, but if women out there think it was in good taste, then I’ll feel better.
The video takes a minute to slowly roll in, so you have to be patient. Adding to the humor is the oxymoron, the name of the Co., being ‘mass ammo’, … “No there’s not”.
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My wife, while hugging me: “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?”
Me: “Both.”
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I just wanted to revive this old topic as we have many new members and we had fun with it. 
Well worth the read. 
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Somewhat of a humorous video by the comedian, but of course some of the comments by those legislators are not:
Been so many good times in my life! I’ll try and relate one. My wife and I had a place at the lake spent most weekends there with friends most of them retired. One old retired Iowa farmer it was a good soul and I seem to have a competition on who could play the best practical joke. One Friday night we pulled in and as usual he and his wife and a few friends were sitting in his open garage having a beer. Earlier in the week I had contacted his wife and enlisted her in a joke I was going to play.
I took a pair of my wife’s thong underwear, yes we were young enough back then that those things were available. I pulled in next to his truck and noticed he was very much engaged with those in the garage I quietly opened the door in his truck and slipped the thong underwear under the front seat.
Later that evening his wife made an excuse to go out to his truck and came back brandishing thong underwear yelling you better do some quick explaining. I told the rest of our guests we better leave seems like they’ve got things to talk about. We walked around the side of the garage where I held up the rest of the guests and told them to be quiet. The performance his wife put on should have won an academy award. My friend was stuttering and stammering trying to explain himself out of the predicament. We were all trying not to roar.
Finally fearing he was going to have a heart attack as he paced back and forth with no explanation forthcoming to his wife, I stuck my head around the corner, and said hey buddy gotcha!
The next weekend as I pulled in he had stolen realty signs from all over the area and placed my property up for sale!
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No, it was not funny at all. He was just doing him, which is not funny, and was ridiculing those that believe in the RKBA. He fooled a couple of well-respected people that fight for our RKBA - quite disgusting in my view.
Ain’t got any jokes right now, but “tomorrow is National Pizza Day” ! Can’t wait.
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I’ve been married 28 years. We had the most magnificent sweet table at our wedding that you could ever imagine. To this day, our friends talk about it! Last month, I took my wife to dinner at the banquet hall/restaurant where we got married. While we were waiting to be seated, my wife wandered off to see the ballroom and reminisce. I took advantage of the opportunity to ask the maîtres-d to play a joke on my wife, and ask if we were the couple that had that great sweet table. He played along, and my wife actually thought he remembered our sweet table! After a minute, it dawned on her that she was being pranked
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