have a good weekend

  1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

  2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.

  3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

  4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.

  5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

  6. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

  7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

  8. I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

  9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.

  10. If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”

  11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

  12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

  13. I run like the winded.

  14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.

  15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

  16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

  17. I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

  18. When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”

  19. Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.

  20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

  21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb."

-source unknown.


Good one! I’d laugh more but it’s hurts too much. :rofl: Ouch, ouch.


same thing here it hurts my gut to laugh. mainly because I have been sick with a sinus infection, and I finally felt better yesterday so I went to work out at the gym. pushed myself a little to much yesterday with the ab machine. :crazy_face:


Damned if you do and Damned if you don’t. :slightly_frowning_face:
P.S. Sinus infections suck! :grimacing:


You’re not supposed to push the ab machine, duh🤣


great now you tell me :rofl: :rofl:


I have been getting them once or twice a year since returning from the gulf war. this year I got a double whammy because I had one in march too!


Sadly I have been afflicted by this most of my life :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


:rofl: I just did that to Nancy. and she didn’t throw anything at me. :rofl:


Sorry about the sinus infection.


That says it all.

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