babylon bee is more truth than fiction

[Don102]

Tim Walz Emerges From Den To Declare 6 More Weeks Of Rioting And Fraud

ST. PAUL, MN — Governor Tim Walz has emerged from the den of the Governor’s Mansion to declare that there will be six more weeks of rioting and fraud.

“We know this is all silly, but it’s fun,” said handler Marsha Billingsworth. “It’s always rioting and fraud season, but the Governor-coming-out-of-the-den tradition is good family fun that brings in some tourism money, which will help offset the costs of all the rioting and fraud in the state.”

Once a year, Minnesotans cheerfully gather around the mansion to see what the governor will do, depending upon whether or not he sees his shadow. If he emerges from the governor’s mansion and sees his shadow, experts say he will begin ranting about Donald Trump, immigration enforcement, and white supremacy, in a clear sign that there will be six more weeks of rioting and fraud. That’s exactly what happened this year.

“This year, right on cue, the little red-faced guy came out, saw his shadow, and began blaming Trump and ICE for everything. So, it looks like it’s going to be a long season of rioting.”

At publishing time, Governor Tim Walz was last seen rooting in his den for more vegetation, fruits, and crops, to recover after the long hibernation of hiding from Somali fraud abuse allegations.

Me: Pudding just slinked away into the sand why can’t this guy?

[Don102]

Support For ICE Skyrockets To 99% After Halftime Show

SANTA CLARA, CA - Following this year’s Super Bowl halftime show featuring the musical stylings of Bad Bunny, surveys show support for Immigration and Customs Enforcement skyrocketed 99 percent overnight.

Numbers show the support came immediately following Bad Bunny’s performance, which featured strong references to Latino and Puerto Rican culture.

“I don’t know what that was, but I don’t like it,” one survey respondent said. “I love America, but that performance had zero apple pie, no cheerleaders, and a shocking lack of bald eagles. Disgusting.”

Many who answered the survey say they were put off by the performance’s lewd lyrics and gyrating pop stars. One person who answered the survey said, “I looked up the Spanish translation on the songs that guy was singing…um…can we just deport them all right now?”

Support for ICE operations has sunk over the past few months, as Democrats ratchet up their rhetoric and push for open borders and unfettered immigration. Following the halftime performance, ICE operations appear to now have almost complete support of the entire country.

“I’ve had it. Deport them all,” one Democrat told a reporter.

At publishing time, America was still trying to figure out what was going on before and after the halftime show, and admitted they thought there was supposed to be a football game.

Me: What Game? All I heard about was the $180 Burgers, the $27.00 Beers and the cost of Parking my Lear @ the Airport. I watched the AF Flyover then turned it off. I shoulda just stayed home in Kansas with Dorothy (and Toto too!) !
‘Do you want a little ‘Twerky’ with yer Burger?’… (Me: WTF?)

Do you know they ‘Translated’ what Goof Bunny sung about?—It’s disgusting.

[leo23]

@Don102

Translated’ what Goof Bunny sung about?

I saw a translation of one of his songs, absolutely disgusting
NFL has been dead to since 2015, I haven’t watched a game since, and I don’t miss it one bit
My grandfather is probably rolling in his grave right now. He was the go-to bookie in Cleveland for almost all of my life 50+ years. I didn’t find out about his connection to a Family, until after his death.

[Don102]

@leo23

anslation of one o

There IS a reckoning coming (I have given up on others ‘timelines’) But it seems to me it’s finally here and all these characters will be on the ‘FIND OUT’ end of the FA stick. It should be interesting seeing where the KARMA CHIPS fall… Once the Corruption (in the NFL and most Sports is brought to the light–Game fixing, back room deals, shoddy Umpiring etc) then on the Political side (we already know about most of that) should be a different World once the smoke clears… Mi dos pesos

[Don102]

Media Baffled As To Anything Mass Shooters Might Possibly Have In Common

U.S. — With the horrific news breaking of yet another mass shooting at a school, the media has remained completely stumped as to anything recent mass shooters could have in common.

Journalists desperately pored over the profiles of mass shooters over the last four years, hoping to find any sort of similarity or connection.

“What could it be??” sighed CNN journalist Mark Beuhler. “Think, Mark, think. There has to be something these people have in common, some thread that ties them together. I keep looking at these photos, these social media profiles. I just can’t see it.”

Journalists warned the public that despite their best efforts, no pattern whatsoever could be discerned that might help explain these shootings. “There is no rhyme or reason that we can elucidate,” said investigator Roger Malone. “If only there was some sort of life experience, prescription medication, online community, social indoctrination, political affiliation, anything that these people shared, perhaps we could help stop more of these from happening. It’s too bad.”

At publishing time, journalists had proudly announced the discovery that all of the recent mass shooters were white.

Being WHITE is the New Crime huh?