babylon bee is more truth than fiction

[Don102]

Here’s How 12 Different News Outlets Covered Trump’s Gaza Peace Deal

Sponsored·Oct 15, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by: Upward News

President Trump’s historic ceasefire agreement made headlines all over the world, but depending on which news outlet you checked, you might get a completely different story.

The Babylon Bee combed through the cacophony of noise to compile the following list of different ways the peace deal was covered:

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Again, when reading the news, take everything with a grain of salt. Not every outlet is as honest and trustworthy as The Babylon Bee.

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I trust ‘Da Bee’ more than these other ‘News’ BS Leftists Rags!
WWG1WGA

[Dave17]

The second one had some good lines, but I found the first one much funnier, though still too close to the truth.

[Joseph488]

Dude, I’m sitting here eating my lunch at my desk, and opened this thread to the Bee headline about Thomas and Jackson, and burst out laughing so hard I about spit out my sandwich People wondered what’s wrong with me

[Don102]

Just tell ‘em (yer Co-worker’s ‘I am a ‘BEE-Levier!’ (works for me every time!).

[Zavier_D]

@Don102

BEE-Levier!’

I’m a Bee-Liever

P.S. Your I is trying to escape. It’s half way to freedom

[Don102]

Millions Gather To Express Total Ignorance About Political System

U.S. — Millions of Americans took to the streets today in order to express to the world their total and absolute ignorance about the political system they live in.

Several major cities including Boston, New York City and Chicago saw over one hundred thousand residents show up to proclaim their abject incomprehension of governance.

“The world needs to understand how incredibly little we know,” said local man Roger McMahon, who had joined the march. “I really do not think the greater population appreciates how completely uneducated and illiterate we are when it comes to our own political system. That’s why I’m here marching. We’re going to join our voices together and let the message ring loud and clear that we are uneducated rubes in desperate need of a middle-school social studies class.”

Rallygoers marched throughout the day on Saturday, chanting various slogans such as “Where do I live?” and “How does government work?”

“It’s incredibly inspiring, seeing so many people walking arm in arm saying ‘Hey, I don’t know anything,’” said local woman Barbara Samson. “It feels incredible to be part of this movement of telling people that I’m a real dullard.”

At publishing time, the rest of the world had politely told the rallygoers that the message had been received.

ME: 'THEY DON’T KNOW ANYTHING AND PROUDLY DISPLAY THEIR TOTAL IGNORANCE DAILY.
Somewhere along 1/2 the Country lost their minds (is it the Vax? Is it the BRAINWASHING from College? Why do SO MANY Senior Citizens join this crowd? (That’s baffling)

And now the 'BABYLON BEE makes more sense than CNN/MSDNC! WTF!

YOU GOTTA LAUGH, because if you don’t you’ll weep for Humanity.
WWG1WGA
HOLD THE LINE!

[Don102]

Here Are All The Things Accomplished By Last Weekend’s ‘No Kings’ Protests

U.S.·Oct 20, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

Thanks to all of the “No Kings” protests that took place across the United States over the weekend, we now live in a completely different world. There isn’t enough time or space to detail all of the earth-shattering things that have come about as a result of the "No Kings’ movement, but it’s worth calling attention to some of them.

Here are just a few of the historic things accomplished by the “No Kings” protests:

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(It’s phunnier when you see just dots)

That last one was especially noteworthy. Everyone will remember where they were and what they were doing when the “No Kings” protests changed the world. What else did they accomplish? Post your thoughts in the comments below. (or don’t cause it really doesn’t matter does it?)

[Don102]

Greta Thunberg Says Israel Put A Noose On Her And Yelled, “This Is Bagel Country!”

World·Oct 18, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

ATHENS — Activist Greta Thunberg told reporters today that Israel put a noose on her, dumped bleach on her hair, and shouted, “This is bagel country!”

Thunberg stated the assailants wore masks to hide their identity, but had on giant shtreimels and kept shouting “Oy vey” to intimidate her.

“I literally thought I was going to die,” said Thunberg. “They threw bagels at me and shouted ‘Take that, gentile!’ The bagels even had schmear. And then they smacked me in the face with a pastrami sandwich and said ‘This is kosher country!’”

Israel has denied the accusations, stating that no bagels were thrown at Thunberg while she was processed for deportation. “That does sound really fun, but no, we did not pelt her with bagels,” said IDF spokesman Benjamin Aaronson. “Every time we gave her food, she just shouted ‘How dare you!’ and went back to combing her hair. We also graciously offered her barber services free of charge, but she declined. No pastrami sandwiches were used for violence either.”

At publishing time, Thunberg had also accused Israel of putting her on a chair and lifting her up and down while dancing in circles around her.

‘GRETA, Your Village called… just sayin’

[Robert1246]

Poor Greta

[Don102]

Yeah Buddy,
Poor Greta
Never had a job
Donations and Leftist ‘Support’ Lied to her telling her she’s RELEVANT (newsflash: SHE ISN’T)
(Spurring her to New Heights of STUPID!)
Is about as Popular as Diaper rash!
Will prolly wind up one day with an Israeli Bullet (or Hamas —take yer pick) in her 'ead!
Idolizes the 'Dutch Boy ona Paint can ----hence the Haircut! )

[Ron43xMOS]

@Don102

Will prolly wind up one day with an Israeli Bullet (or Hamas —take yer pick) in her 'ead!

You know that only the good die young…

[Dave17]

@Ron43xMOS

You know that only the good die young…

LOL, that has some credence as my mother lived to 90, but so did my mother-in-law.

[Don102]

White House Construction Crew Finds 1,357 More Cocaine Stashes

U.S.·Oct 21, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Construction workers tasked with building a new White House Ballroom reportedly discovered 1,357 stashes of cocaine hidden within the walls and ceilings of the East Wing.

Work on the project was briefly postponed on Tuesday when a wheeled excavator demolishing a section of the East Wing suddenly tore through what turned out to be several kilos of heat-sealed polyethylene-wrapped cocaine, scattering it into the wind. Initially, workers cleared the area, fearing asbestos exposure, but after becoming strangely energetic and fearless, they returned to work. '‘YEEHAW!’

Secret Service agents later determined that the powdery substance was actually cocaine and that the construction crew was “as high as a kite.” A spokesman revealed that a full investigation was now underway to determine the source of the narcotics.

“I’m just glad it wasn’t asbestos,” said Carlos Antoine, one of several construction workers on site. “That stuff is dangerous.”

Though the investigation was technically ongoing, President Donald Trump was not shy about who he believed to be responsible. “Hunter Biden’s legacy lives on,” Trump said. “Junkie Hunter, that’s what he was. What a waste of a life that man is. He can’t even keep track of his coke. He must have forgotten about all of it. What a joke. Jokey Coke Hunter, I call him.”

At publishing time, the $250 million White House ballroom renovation had been fully paid off by selling all of the stashed cocaine.

ME: Just received my ‘Officially stamped White House Bag of Cocaine’ and it’s really AWESOME! ‘SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF’ Wow man!

[Don102]

Trump Unveils White House Water Slide

U.S.·Oct 22, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced this week that as part of the White House renovation, he will be installing a giant water slide on the roof that will go all the way down to the Rose Garden.

“Our country has been without a national water slide for far too long,” President Trump told reporters. “When foreign dignitaries visit, we have nowhere to let them slide down into a cool splash pool. I’ll be funding this project completely from private donations, and it will be a great asset to the American people for many years to come.”

Designs for the massive new feature show a blue fiberglass slide starting on the roof of the White House and ending in the Rose Garden, where a large swimming pool will be built to accommodate the slide. The new pool will also feature diving boards, a swim-up bar, and a basketball goal for friendly games of one-on-one.

Democrats have denounced the move, stating that water slides are fun and make kids laugh, which is really annoying.

At publishing time, President Trump had announced that he would also be bulldozing the entire National Mall and replacing it with a new golf course, and would keep the Reflecting Pool as a water hazard.

The 19th Hole DC Style!

[Don102]

Trump Declares White House ‘ICE Free Zone’ Until Construction On New Ballroom Is Done

U.S.·Oct 22, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

Brian Jason via shutterstock.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has declared the White House a no-go zone for ICE raids until construction is completed on the new ballroom.

Trump assured all the construction workers on site that everything would be cool so long as they were working on the ballroom, but he couldn’t make any promises after that.

“We’re going to put just a little hold on the ICE raids until the ballroom is done,” said Trump. “I told Tom Homan, I said Tom, you’re doing great work, I love what you’re doing out there. You can go nuts in Chicago or New York, but let’s give D.C. a rest until the fellas are finished with the ballroom, okay? They’re doing such great work, it’s really fabulous what they’re building. I met some of them the other day, I went down to check on the progress, I met Juan, and Pablo, and Juan, and Ricardo, and Juan. Great people, let me tell you.”

According to sources, Trump called for the hold on ICE raids after a delay when seven construction workers, including Trump’s favorite backhoe driver, were nabbed in a sting. “That put us back at least three weeks,” said construction manager Roger Arthurs. “Plus, Trump had a real soft spot for Julio the backhoe guy. Said he could drive a backhoe like he was riding the wind. I don’t know what that means, but Trump was pretty upset.”

At publishing time, the workers had announced that in light of the ICE deal, construction on the ballroom may take between 20-50 years to complete.

Editor’s (ME) NOTE:
*NOJUAN was hurt in the gathering of info for this article
*You Juanna Bet Trump gets what he wants?
*When asked how the Constructiones of de Blanca Casa was going Secret Service Agent Juan deCarlos Amenguel Phyllis Maximilla por favoAlerocon stated ;We see no problemos’ in de …how you say Worka Forcea as longa as de Feared ICE-A Agentos stay away-A’ Tan Jew fer yer Attencion to dis Matta!

[Kevin1776]

[Don102]

Uh Oh: Trump Just Commandeered An Excavator And He’s Heading For The Capitol

Politics·Oct 22, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Witnesses looked on in horror as President Trump commandeered an excavator from outside the White House and began heading for the Capitol.

“I’ll show you a king!” shouted Trump as he began tearing down the door. “Don’t worry, no one’s in there working, believe me. Some of us have to keep working right through the shutdown, but not these people. They’re all on vacation, all wandering around pumpkin patches while your favorite President keeps working. That’s okay, I’ll have this all made into a new hotel before they even get back.”

Onlookers stated that Trump expertly operated the excavator, obviously skilled and experienced with the machinery. “This is clearly not his first time running an excavator,” said local man Josh Simmons. “He had the whole entry way torn up in minutes. Really impressive stuff.”

After demolishing the Capitol, Trump then reportedly headed for the Lincoln memorial.

“You’re going down, Abe!” shouted Trump as he wrenched the excavator into gear. “I’m no one’s second favorite President. You know how many people were there for your little ‘Gettysburg Address’? Such an embarrassing crowd, and they build a giant statue for the guy. Terrible. Get ready for a little swim in Reflecting Pool, big fella.”

At publishing time, Trump had refueled and was reportedly heading for Chicago and the Obama Presidential Library.

‘WHY’S HE SO HAPPY DAMMIT’ ?----Every DEMONcrat I know! ARGH!

[Don102]

Rebel Alliance Warns Obama’s Presidential Library Almost Fully Operational

World·Oct 22, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Leaders within the Rebel Alliance have recently warned that Obama’s Presidential Library is almost fully operational.

According to sources within the small band of freedom fighters, a hoard of recently recovered Obama files indicates that the library will soon be at full destructive capability.

“We must act now, before it is too late,” said Chancellor Mon Mothma, gesturing at the steely edifice before a room full of Rebel officers. “Our spies say that this will have enough capacity to destroy a small star. However, it does have a weakness - a small, thermal exhaust port facing the south side of Chicago.”

According to Rebel leaders, completion of construction on the Obama presidential library could spell the end of freedom for the galaxy.

“It may seem like suicide going up against the Obama Library, but it’s our only hope,” said Wedge Antilles, a Rebel pilot. “Thanks to the efforts of a few brave comrades, we now have the information to take down that gargantuan monstrosity. May the Force be with you.”

At publishing time, a young farm boy from Iowa had assured the Rebel Alliance that he could hit the thermal exhaust port and destroy the library, despite many feeling it was impossible, even for a computer.

ME: The Attack will take place @ 00:30 BLACK FRIDAY (of course it will!)
The Dark Lord Soweto Suzi is expected to appear then for a ribbon cutting ceremony (as long as it’s dark out or REALLY overcast so’s not to burn up his pigment).

[Karacal]

Rapid Response 47

[Don102]

Jasmine Crockett…what can you say… um… oh forget it!

IF SHE WERE ANY DUMMER SHE’D BE A STICK OF BUTTA! (there I said it! )

Hey ‘Jazzi’ Your Village Called! ARGH!